escapism --n. tendency to seek distraction or relief from reality.
While the rest of the world was mired in political upheavals and storms in the Atlantic and forest fires in far southern British Columbia and nearby Washington State, the Ol' Columnist found himself "lost" in the late '50s. That's right, 1959, to be exact.
It surprised me to learn that my three favorite flicks of all-time were released that year: "North By Northwest," "Room At The Top," and "Some Like It Hot."
But "NbyNW" was showing on the small screen this weekend, and there I was stuck with Cary Grant in Lincoln's Nose.
While savoring the stylish "spy" thriller, there was so much I didn't know about the Alfred Hitchcock-directed flick, so I went searching for trivia.
Little did I know that there were two working titles: "Breathless" and also "In a Northwesterly Direction."
A bit of trivia told me that while the flick was in pre-production, Hitchcock had jokingly called it "The Man in Lincoln's Nose," a reference to the finale at Mount Rushmore.
On my research tour, here's some of what I found:
* James Stewart was very interested in starring in this movie, begging Alfred Hitchcock to let him play Roger O. Thornhill. Hitchcock claimed that 'Vertigo' (1958's) lack of financial success was because Stewart "looked too old." MGM wanted Gregory Peck, but Hitchcock cast Cary Grant.
* It was journalist Otis L. Guernsey, Jr. who suggested to Hitchcock the movie's premise of a man mistaken for a nonexistent secret agent.
Incidentally, Hitchcock had certain logistic problems. For instance, he couldn't get permission to film inside the UN, so he used a hidden camera to get the exterior shots and then Hitch recreated the rooms on a soundtstage; and then I learned the final chase wasn't shot on Mount Rushmore. Hitchcock couldn't get final permission to shoot an attempted murder on the national monument itself, so the director shot the scene in the studio on a replica of Mount Rushmore.
In the 1990s, the Missus and I traveled to Mount Rushmore and found the roads leading to those magnificent faces carved in the rock were clogged with advertising billboards. It was a major disappointment.
Before going on to the second and third "all-time" flicks in future musings, I wondered what the title meant: The trivia blurb said "the title might refer to Hamlet's line, "I am but mad north-northwest," where he tried to convince people of his sanity. The airline that they travel on (westbound) is called "Northwest Airline."
Of course, Hitchcock had to get in a cameo in the flick, which starred the masterful Grant, Eva Marie Saint and James Mason, and it came during the opening credits. "Hitchcock arrives at a bus stop, but gets there a second too late and the door is closed in his face, He misses the bus," according to the blurb.
In the $$$ department, Grant fared well, receiving $450,000 for the movie and another $315,000 in penalty fees because he had to stay nine weeks past the time his contract called for. Of course, that's small compared to today's salaries, but remember this was 1959.
Finally, another bit of trivia: While at the Mount Rushmore location, Eva Marie Saint uncovered the fact that Grant charged 15 cents for his autograph. Well, a movie star has to pick up some extra cash somehow.
Incidentally, the Ol' Columnist once had movie aspirations.
In 1981, I was "The Viking" in "Running Brave," starring Robbie Benson and Pat Hingle. It was shot outside the federal pen in Drumheller, Alberta and in Edmonton and it told the story of a young Sioux Indian track star, Billy Mills, and how he conquered adversity and later went on to win at the Tokyo Olympics.
In my scenes, Billy's father played by noted actor, August Schellenberg, battled "The Viking" in a carnival ring. I ended up with a concussion and a few coins in my pocket.
Next time, if there's a next time, I want a more sensitive and sedate role.
POLITICAL CORRECTNESS: The elite NCAA, south of the border, are in a rush to oust "hostile" and "abusive" American Indian nicknames during post-season tournaments. Here are a list of offensive mascots: Alcorn State University (Braves); Central Michigan University (Chippewas); Catawba College (Indians); Florida State University (Seminoles); Midwestern State University (Indians); University of Utah (Utes); Indiana University-Pennsylvania (Indians); Carthage College (Redmen); Bradley University (Braves); Arkansas State University (Indians); Chowan College (Braves); University of Illinois-Champaign (Illini); University of Louisiana-Monroe (Indians); McMurray University (Indians); Mississippi College (Choctaws); Newberry College (Indians); University of North Dakota (Fighting Sioux); Southeastern Oklahoma State University (Savages). Will such political correctness affect the pros as in Cleveland (Indians), Atlanta (Braves) and Washington (Redskins)? Nicknames which appear safe from any activists are: Toronto (Blue Jays), St. Louis (Cardinals) and Miami (Dolphins). However, in this day and age, and heightened sensitivity, you never know.
IN THE GRRRRRR! DEPT: Overloaded, speeding logging trucks on Highway 97 (between Vernon and Kamloops) swerving around corners, nearly toppling their loads onto unsuspecting vehicles.
NOW YOU KNOW: (From Uncle John's Bathroom Reader): In ancient Inca weddings, the bride and groom weren't considered "officially" married until they had taken off their sandals and traded them with one another.
Friday, February 23, 2007
Now that's a 'Dirty Job'
Oh, give me a home
where the bison (or buffalo) roam
and I'll show you a dirty house!
Excuse my song-writing abilities, which are nil, but my grandson has served his penance as a "gut boy" at a nearby meat slaughterhouse, in slicing and dicing bison. It was a short-lived career. However, someone has to do it.
Such unsavoury jobs, however, are right up Mike Rowe's alley.
If you don't know who Rowe is, then tune in to the Discovery Channel some time and watch 'Dirty Jobs.'
During season one, he's been an exterminator, crab fisherman, blacksmith/farrier, pig farmer, chewing-gum buster, pigeon-poop cleaner-upper, garbage collector/recycling separator, shark catcher/tagger, car stripper, golf-ball diver, horse breeder, roadkill collector, bat-poop collector, mud gatherer, fish gutter, baby chick sexer, beer brewer, oyster harvester, sewer inspector, disaster clean-up crew member, demolition worker, worm-dung farmer, catfish noodler, septic-tank specialist and even worm rancher.
Yes, Mike Rowe is a dirty, dirty boy.
So it's not Masterpiece Theatre, however, 'Dirty Jobs' has become a major-league TV hit. Even The Missus tunes in, but then the Melville Spitfire has been known to ogle 'American Chopper(s)' on a regular basis.
But back to 'Dirty Jobs.'
In tracking down the 'dirt' about this program, I quickly learned how Rowe became involved with the show: He had studied history, English, communications, speech, music, drama and even a bit of philosophy and had even graduated from Towson State in Maryland. From there it was all downhill. After some acting jobs, 'Discovery' sent him to Alaska to work on a king-crab boat during the filming of 'Deadliest Catch' about the world's most dangerous job. From there, he found himself in 'The Sands of the Dead' in Egypt and as he said, "As a reward, I've been given 'Dirty Jobs.'"
Then Rowe proceeded to explain that being a would-be bat biologist ranked near the top of the worst jobs.
In an interview, Rowe said: "Bracken Cave is about an hour outside Austin, Texas, and home to 40 million Mexican free-tail bats. A bat biologist enters the cave once a month to check on the health of the colony. To do so, he must wade through three feet of guano (bat excrement) and make his way to the far end of the cave, where the bulk of the bats roost. The temperature is over 100 degrees. The air is filled with ammonia, and quite toxic. The bats, 40 million of them, are hanging overhead, urinating constantly, defecating deliberately and giving birth randomly. All the aforementioned substances are falling upon us. The guano that we're standing in is filled with billions of flesh-eating beetles, which survive on dead bats that periodically plummet from the ceiling. Bracken Cave is like no other place on Earth, and quite possibly the dirtiest hole on the planet."
So Mike, have you ever been scared doing a "dirty" job?
"I have a healthy fear of most dangerous things, but when you work alongside people who don't, you either suck it up or look like a sissy," he told the interviewer. "A few months ago, I was in Tampa, neck-deep in a muddy, slime-filled, methane-rich water hazard searching for used golf balls. (Yeah, it's a job). Though golf balls were my objective, I was focused mainly on avoiding the water moccasins and snapping turtles that seemed to infest this particular hazard. At some point, I stepped on something in in the murky, muddy ooze that shot out from under my feet with alarming speed. It was an alligator, and I haven't been the same since."
So, now that I have grossed you out and I've taken a shower, let's turn to something fab as in FabJob.com where Tag and Catherine Goulet have a flourishing business in telling folks how to get a real job.
On their site, the two Calgary-based sisters will tell you: How to become a professional organizer; a spa owner; an actor; an advertising copywriter; an archaelogist; an art curator; a book editor; a butler; a firefighter; a food writer (I would be great at that); an image consultant (what's that?); a pop star; a second-hand store owner; a television reporter; a yoga teacher (now that's twisted) and even how to become a movie extra.
But what about how to become a newspaper columnist?
My sage advice: Write about 'Dirty Jobs' and see how far that gets you.
IN PRIME 'REALITY' TIME: So, at present, there are only two Canadian-based reality shows on TV: 'Canadian Idol' and 13 episodes of 'Making the Cut', about young hockey players bashing their way to glory, some of which was filmed in Vernon. However, the Ol' Columnist is certain that a massive amount of 'reality' TV will seep across the border. Under the 'A' category, there's 'Adrenaline X' (NBC); 'All-American Girl' (ABC); 'All You Need is Love' (FOX); 'Amazing Race' (CBS); 'Ambush Makeover' (Syndicated); 'American Candidate' (Showtime); 'American Fighter Pilots' (CBS); 'American High' (PBS); 'American Idol' (FOX); 'Amish in the City' (UPN); 'Anna Nicole Smith Show' (E!); 'Anything for Love' (FOX); 'The Apprentice' (NBC); 'The Apprentice Martha Stewart' (NBC); 'Are You Hot?' (ABC); 'The Ashlee Simpson Show' (MTV); 'The Assistant' (MTV) and 'Average Joe' (NBC) ... And that's just under the A's ... Whew!
FYI: With the late Marilyn Monroe's latest 'revelations' in the news these days, did you know that Mick Jagger studied the way MM moved and learned to mimic her on stage? (A bit of trivia from 'Uncle John's Bathroom Reader')
where the bison (or buffalo) roam
and I'll show you a dirty house!
Excuse my song-writing abilities, which are nil, but my grandson has served his penance as a "gut boy" at a nearby meat slaughterhouse, in slicing and dicing bison. It was a short-lived career. However, someone has to do it.
Such unsavoury jobs, however, are right up Mike Rowe's alley.
If you don't know who Rowe is, then tune in to the Discovery Channel some time and watch 'Dirty Jobs.'
During season one, he's been an exterminator, crab fisherman, blacksmith/farrier, pig farmer, chewing-gum buster, pigeon-poop cleaner-upper, garbage collector/recycling separator, shark catcher/tagger, car stripper, golf-ball diver, horse breeder, roadkill collector, bat-poop collector, mud gatherer, fish gutter, baby chick sexer, beer brewer, oyster harvester, sewer inspector, disaster clean-up crew member, demolition worker, worm-dung farmer, catfish noodler, septic-tank specialist and even worm rancher.
Yes, Mike Rowe is a dirty, dirty boy.
So it's not Masterpiece Theatre, however, 'Dirty Jobs' has become a major-league TV hit. Even The Missus tunes in, but then the Melville Spitfire has been known to ogle 'American Chopper(s)' on a regular basis.
But back to 'Dirty Jobs.'
In tracking down the 'dirt' about this program, I quickly learned how Rowe became involved with the show: He had studied history, English, communications, speech, music, drama and even a bit of philosophy and had even graduated from Towson State in Maryland. From there it was all downhill. After some acting jobs, 'Discovery' sent him to Alaska to work on a king-crab boat during the filming of 'Deadliest Catch' about the world's most dangerous job. From there, he found himself in 'The Sands of the Dead' in Egypt and as he said, "As a reward, I've been given 'Dirty Jobs.'"
Then Rowe proceeded to explain that being a would-be bat biologist ranked near the top of the worst jobs.
In an interview, Rowe said: "Bracken Cave is about an hour outside Austin, Texas, and home to 40 million Mexican free-tail bats. A bat biologist enters the cave once a month to check on the health of the colony. To do so, he must wade through three feet of guano (bat excrement) and make his way to the far end of the cave, where the bulk of the bats roost. The temperature is over 100 degrees. The air is filled with ammonia, and quite toxic. The bats, 40 million of them, are hanging overhead, urinating constantly, defecating deliberately and giving birth randomly. All the aforementioned substances are falling upon us. The guano that we're standing in is filled with billions of flesh-eating beetles, which survive on dead bats that periodically plummet from the ceiling. Bracken Cave is like no other place on Earth, and quite possibly the dirtiest hole on the planet."
So Mike, have you ever been scared doing a "dirty" job?
"I have a healthy fear of most dangerous things, but when you work alongside people who don't, you either suck it up or look like a sissy," he told the interviewer. "A few months ago, I was in Tampa, neck-deep in a muddy, slime-filled, methane-rich water hazard searching for used golf balls. (Yeah, it's a job). Though golf balls were my objective, I was focused mainly on avoiding the water moccasins and snapping turtles that seemed to infest this particular hazard. At some point, I stepped on something in in the murky, muddy ooze that shot out from under my feet with alarming speed. It was an alligator, and I haven't been the same since."
So, now that I have grossed you out and I've taken a shower, let's turn to something fab as in FabJob.com where Tag and Catherine Goulet have a flourishing business in telling folks how to get a real job.
On their site, the two Calgary-based sisters will tell you: How to become a professional organizer; a spa owner; an actor; an advertising copywriter; an archaelogist; an art curator; a book editor; a butler; a firefighter; a food writer (I would be great at that); an image consultant (what's that?); a pop star; a second-hand store owner; a television reporter; a yoga teacher (now that's twisted) and even how to become a movie extra.
But what about how to become a newspaper columnist?
My sage advice: Write about 'Dirty Jobs' and see how far that gets you.
IN PRIME 'REALITY' TIME: So, at present, there are only two Canadian-based reality shows on TV: 'Canadian Idol' and 13 episodes of 'Making the Cut', about young hockey players bashing their way to glory, some of which was filmed in Vernon. However, the Ol' Columnist is certain that a massive amount of 'reality' TV will seep across the border. Under the 'A' category, there's 'Adrenaline X' (NBC); 'All-American Girl' (ABC); 'All You Need is Love' (FOX); 'Amazing Race' (CBS); 'Ambush Makeover' (Syndicated); 'American Candidate' (Showtime); 'American Fighter Pilots' (CBS); 'American High' (PBS); 'American Idol' (FOX); 'Amish in the City' (UPN); 'Anna Nicole Smith Show' (E!); 'Anything for Love' (FOX); 'The Apprentice' (NBC); 'The Apprentice Martha Stewart' (NBC); 'Are You Hot?' (ABC); 'The Ashlee Simpson Show' (MTV); 'The Assistant' (MTV) and 'Average Joe' (NBC) ... And that's just under the A's ... Whew!
FYI: With the late Marilyn Monroe's latest 'revelations' in the news these days, did you know that Mick Jagger studied the way MM moved and learned to mimic her on stage? (A bit of trivia from 'Uncle John's Bathroom Reader')
Musty booknooks and polls
So what happens, Corbett, when you suffer continuous brain drain?
Scratching what little hair I have left on this noggin, I replied: "I go to The Source."
"The Source" has a name, he's Brian Doling. He's the keeper of magazines and books, mainly old, and when in need of a column idea, which gets to be every day during the summer doldrums, my trusty steed (known as the Subaru) finds its way close to the Polson Park Mall and Doling's shingle, which reads: BJ's Books & Things.
For a scribbler, it's a haven.
Hidden behind the shelves of scattered books and magazines, sits Mr. Doling.
"I'm looking for something about Sayings or Myth Busters or Pet Peeves, something along those lines, do you have anything like that?" I whined.
Without hesitation, Doling guided me into one of the booknook's crevices, and there was a paperback, titled, "A Hog On Ice & Other Curious Expressions" that actually "eyed" me. The subtitle read: The Origin & Development of the Pungent & Colorful Phrases We All Use." The author's name was Charles Earle Funk.
"Is he related to Funk & Wagnalls?" I muttered to myself.
Then turning to the back cover, it read: Charles Earle Funk (1881-1957) was editor-in-chief of the Funk & Wagnalls Standard Dictionary Series. He wrote several other books on word and phrase origins, including Thereby Hangs A Tale.
"I'll take it," I said, shoving a five-spot into Doling's hand.
After speedreading its 214 pages, I found that "A Hog On Ice" is a treasure chest of common sayings in the English language that we use every day, in fact there are literally thousands of them and as the author writes: "They have come from all the trades and professions; they have come from the courts of kings and from beggars' hovels; they have come from churches and cathedrals and they have come from gambling halls and bawdy houses." And Mr. Funk went on and on to explain those "phrase origins."
Without delving into copyright issues and all that, let me briefly tell you about some of the phrases I have heard throughout my lifetime and see if they ring a bell with you:
In a Blue Funk -- The English phrase, "in a funk," was Oxford slang back in the middle of the 18th century, and seems to have been borrowed from a Flemish phrase, "in de fonck siin," which also meant "in a state of panic"; but no one has been able to to figure out why the Flemish fonck meant "panic."
Spick and Span -- The phrase has no other meaning than absolutely and wholly new.
Cock-and-Bull Story -- A story that stretches the imaginations somewhat beyond the limits of credulity.
Without explanations, here are a number of favorite sayings I have heard throughout the years: To cool one's heels; Dyed in the wool; To take the bull by the horns; Small fry; One-horse town; Red-letter Day; To rain cats and dogs; Till all the cows come home; To talk turkey; To eat humble pie; To split hairs; Best bib and tucker; To bark up the wrong tree; Once in a blue moon; Straight from the horse's mouth; To buy a pig in a poke; By the skin of one's teeth; Bats in one's belfry; and To shoot the bull.
Now you probably have heard those phrases and know their meaning, but, Smarty-Pants tell me what these mean: To come out at the little end of the horn; Not amount to Hannah More; Rope of sand; Sword of Damocles; Bull of Bashan or to Cut the Gordian knot?
And what about the book title: 'A Hog on Ice'? It seem Mr. Funk had a mother, who whenever she saw a pompous person strutting down the street, etc., etc., would always say that individual was "as independent as a hog on ice," meaning cockily independent, supremely confident, beholden to no one," according to the paperback's foreword.
NO ONE ASKED ME, BUT: The Ol' Columnist is on the verge of sulking. Why? No one, but no one has ever asked me what I think about The West separating from the rest of Canada. Have you been asked? No. So we both haven't a clue why Faron Ellis, a political science prof at the Lethbridge Community College, can claim 35.6 per cent of westerners agree with the statement: "Western Canadians should begin to explore the idea of forming their own country." When I checked out the Western Standard website (those were the folks that asked Ellis to conduct the poll) the headline screamed: A NATION TORN APART. Maybe so, maybe so. Now, Martin and the Liberals frustrate me as much as the next person in this vast nation, but to separate and go blindly into the future, without a solid game plan, now that would be ridiculous. But then again, nobody asked me for my opinion.
WORD FOR YOU, JAVA JUNKIES: Caffeine doesn't keep you awake by supplying extra energy; rather, it fools your body into thinking it isn't tired, according to a reliable source, 'Uncle John's Bathroom Reader.' Furthermore, when your brain is tired and wants to slow down, it releases a chemical called adenosine. This adenosine travels to special cells called receptors, where it goes to work counteracting the chemicals that stimulate your brain. Caffeine mimics adenosine; so it can "plug up" your receptors and prevent adenosine from getting through. Result your brain never gets the signal to slow down, and keeps building up stimulants. Now, excuse me, the Missus wants to know if I'd like another cup of tea.
Scratching what little hair I have left on this noggin, I replied: "I go to The Source."
"The Source" has a name, he's Brian Doling. He's the keeper of magazines and books, mainly old, and when in need of a column idea, which gets to be every day during the summer doldrums, my trusty steed (known as the Subaru) finds its way close to the Polson Park Mall and Doling's shingle, which reads: BJ's Books & Things.
For a scribbler, it's a haven.
Hidden behind the shelves of scattered books and magazines, sits Mr. Doling.
"I'm looking for something about Sayings or Myth Busters or Pet Peeves, something along those lines, do you have anything like that?" I whined.
Without hesitation, Doling guided me into one of the booknook's crevices, and there was a paperback, titled, "A Hog On Ice & Other Curious Expressions" that actually "eyed" me. The subtitle read: The Origin & Development of the Pungent & Colorful Phrases We All Use." The author's name was Charles Earle Funk.
"Is he related to Funk & Wagnalls?" I muttered to myself.
Then turning to the back cover, it read: Charles Earle Funk (1881-1957) was editor-in-chief of the Funk & Wagnalls Standard Dictionary Series. He wrote several other books on word and phrase origins, including Thereby Hangs A Tale.
"I'll take it," I said, shoving a five-spot into Doling's hand.
After speedreading its 214 pages, I found that "A Hog On Ice" is a treasure chest of common sayings in the English language that we use every day, in fact there are literally thousands of them and as the author writes: "They have come from all the trades and professions; they have come from the courts of kings and from beggars' hovels; they have come from churches and cathedrals and they have come from gambling halls and bawdy houses." And Mr. Funk went on and on to explain those "phrase origins."
Without delving into copyright issues and all that, let me briefly tell you about some of the phrases I have heard throughout my lifetime and see if they ring a bell with you:
In a Blue Funk -- The English phrase, "in a funk," was Oxford slang back in the middle of the 18th century, and seems to have been borrowed from a Flemish phrase, "in de fonck siin," which also meant "in a state of panic"; but no one has been able to to figure out why the Flemish fonck meant "panic."
Spick and Span -- The phrase has no other meaning than absolutely and wholly new.
Cock-and-Bull Story -- A story that stretches the imaginations somewhat beyond the limits of credulity.
Without explanations, here are a number of favorite sayings I have heard throughout the years: To cool one's heels; Dyed in the wool; To take the bull by the horns; Small fry; One-horse town; Red-letter Day; To rain cats and dogs; Till all the cows come home; To talk turkey; To eat humble pie; To split hairs; Best bib and tucker; To bark up the wrong tree; Once in a blue moon; Straight from the horse's mouth; To buy a pig in a poke; By the skin of one's teeth; Bats in one's belfry; and To shoot the bull.
Now you probably have heard those phrases and know their meaning, but, Smarty-Pants tell me what these mean: To come out at the little end of the horn; Not amount to Hannah More; Rope of sand; Sword of Damocles; Bull of Bashan or to Cut the Gordian knot?
And what about the book title: 'A Hog on Ice'? It seem Mr. Funk had a mother, who whenever she saw a pompous person strutting down the street, etc., etc., would always say that individual was "as independent as a hog on ice," meaning cockily independent, supremely confident, beholden to no one," according to the paperback's foreword.
NO ONE ASKED ME, BUT: The Ol' Columnist is on the verge of sulking. Why? No one, but no one has ever asked me what I think about The West separating from the rest of Canada. Have you been asked? No. So we both haven't a clue why Faron Ellis, a political science prof at the Lethbridge Community College, can claim 35.6 per cent of westerners agree with the statement: "Western Canadians should begin to explore the idea of forming their own country." When I checked out the Western Standard website (those were the folks that asked Ellis to conduct the poll) the headline screamed: A NATION TORN APART. Maybe so, maybe so. Now, Martin and the Liberals frustrate me as much as the next person in this vast nation, but to separate and go blindly into the future, without a solid game plan, now that would be ridiculous. But then again, nobody asked me for my opinion.
WORD FOR YOU, JAVA JUNKIES: Caffeine doesn't keep you awake by supplying extra energy; rather, it fools your body into thinking it isn't tired, according to a reliable source, 'Uncle John's Bathroom Reader.' Furthermore, when your brain is tired and wants to slow down, it releases a chemical called adenosine. This adenosine travels to special cells called receptors, where it goes to work counteracting the chemicals that stimulate your brain. Caffeine mimics adenosine; so it can "plug up" your receptors and prevent adenosine from getting through. Result your brain never gets the signal to slow down, and keeps building up stimulants. Now, excuse me, the Missus wants to know if I'd like another cup of tea.
Gretzky: A real class act
Wayne Gretzky has all the qualifications of being the head coach of the Phoenix Coyotes. He'll try anything once.
When the Ol' Columnist heard about The Great One becoming the 15th head coach of the NHL franchise which shifted out of drafty Winnipeg into the Arizona desert, I went scrambling for a TV video buried in a dusty cupboard.
It had a simple title: 'Gretzky & Corbett' ( Running time: Approx. 30 min.) The date was in the fall of 1981. The scene: A crowded Edmonton street and there, surrounded by teammates Cowboy Flett, Mark Messier and Brett Callighen, was Gretzky on horseback. It was the opening of the Great Gretzky's Western Corral -- a top-notch men's clothing shop.
Corbett: First time on a horse, Wayne?
Gretzky: First and last.
Corbett: What instructions did Cowboy (Flett) give you?
Gretzky: Pray and hold on.
Inside the store, I asked Flett what technique he had used.
Flett: One thing he did do was he got on the horse and he got off it ... Well, you know, Wayne'e been with me a couple of other times in different transactions with horses and he's been nervous before, but tonight he was calm, cool and collected.
Gretzky: It was the first time I ever rode alone. I was with Cowboy a couple of years ago, but he had to hold onto the reins, but (tonight) it was the first time I ever rode alone.
However, when I asked him to sing "Mommas. Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up To Be Cowboys," he refused, claiming he would do it on radio, but not on television. And then he blushed.
But what the piece of fading video told me, that a blushing Gretzky is not only the classiest athlete I have ever met, but he is also the most honest in a jaded world filled with puffed-up jocks.
He has surrounded himself with classy individuals as well, most notably, Phoenix general manager Mike Barnett. A former professional hockey player, Barnett was Gretzky's "confidante," during the years in Edmonton. Today, undoubtedly, the same formula still works in Arizona.
In Phoenix, he has put together a sharp coaching team in former Detroit Red Wings associate coach Barry Smith, former Coyotes player Rick Tocchet, and former interim head coach Rick Bowness.
When David Vest of the Arizona Republic asked him about the trio, the ever-modest Gretzky was quoted as saying, "I'm ecstatic to have this staff."
When veteran Jeremy Roenick was asked about Gretzky's coaching role, he was quoted as saying: "I think having him stand behind the bench is a great thing for the game of hockey, and we need that coming out of the lockout. He has so much pizzazz and he brings so much leverage to the game that it's a perfect thing for the National Hockey League to have Wayne more involved."
Gretzky has indeed had the Midas touch both as a player and as an executive with Team Canada and also as an 18 per cent owner in the Coyotes, so there's no reason to doubt he'll be successful in his new post.
There will be doubters, but The Great One can always remind them that he once coached a Canadian junior club for one game back in 1981-82. They won 7-0.
While scouting the wires about the Gretzky appointment, I uncovered a quote from John Iaboni of the defunct Toronto Telegram, which read: "There's a little number 9 in town who has ambitions of replacing Gordie Howe ... 10-year-old Wayne Gretzky has proven he can score goals, too." Ironically, Gretz scored 378 goals in one season in "atom" in 1971. I know, for I used to help Iaboni put the minor hockey page together for the Tely. And Gretzky's name was always prominent. So nearly 35 years later, the 44-year-old Gretzky is back in the headlines, where he belongs.
Although, I wasn't able to contact him yesterday in Phoenix, I knew he probably had become an expert horseman, but whether he can sing "Momma, Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up To Be Cowboys," on key, now that's another matter.
NOW THAT'S COSTLY: When Vancouver Canucks' Todd Bertuzzi flattened Colorado's Steve Moore way back on March 8, 2004, it not only caused 'Bert' a devastating suspension, but it cost him $501, 916.39 US in salary, according to the CBC website. That's a hefty price to pay, in any league. NHL head honcho Gary Bettman confirmed Bertuzzi's reinstatement, accompanied by a truckful of legalese.
MORE FROM UNCLE JOHN'S BATHROOM READER: The Quack: Dr. Elisha Perkins. Specialty: A contraption called, "the Tractor," patented in 1796. Treatment: The Tractor, which was made up of two rods -- one copper, zinc, and gold, and one silver, platinum, and iron -- was passed over a sick person. Perkins preached that it literally pulled diseases out of the body and patients such as George Washington and Chief Justice Oliver Ellsworth of the U.S. Supreme Court believed him. Final Diagnosis: Medical experts of the day knew Perkins was a fake, but Perkins may have managed to fool himself. Armed with his magic rods, he traveled to New York in 1799 to treat the victims of a yellow fever epidemic that was sweeping the city. He didn't cure a single person and, a few weeks later, succumbed to the disease himself.
When the Ol' Columnist heard about The Great One becoming the 15th head coach of the NHL franchise which shifted out of drafty Winnipeg into the Arizona desert, I went scrambling for a TV video buried in a dusty cupboard.
It had a simple title: 'Gretzky & Corbett' ( Running time: Approx. 30 min.) The date was in the fall of 1981. The scene: A crowded Edmonton street and there, surrounded by teammates Cowboy Flett, Mark Messier and Brett Callighen, was Gretzky on horseback. It was the opening of the Great Gretzky's Western Corral -- a top-notch men's clothing shop.
Corbett: First time on a horse, Wayne?
Gretzky: First and last.
Corbett: What instructions did Cowboy (Flett) give you?
Gretzky: Pray and hold on.
Inside the store, I asked Flett what technique he had used.
Flett: One thing he did do was he got on the horse and he got off it ... Well, you know, Wayne'e been with me a couple of other times in different transactions with horses and he's been nervous before, but tonight he was calm, cool and collected.
Gretzky: It was the first time I ever rode alone. I was with Cowboy a couple of years ago, but he had to hold onto the reins, but (tonight) it was the first time I ever rode alone.
However, when I asked him to sing "Mommas. Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up To Be Cowboys," he refused, claiming he would do it on radio, but not on television. And then he blushed.
But what the piece of fading video told me, that a blushing Gretzky is not only the classiest athlete I have ever met, but he is also the most honest in a jaded world filled with puffed-up jocks.
He has surrounded himself with classy individuals as well, most notably, Phoenix general manager Mike Barnett. A former professional hockey player, Barnett was Gretzky's "confidante," during the years in Edmonton. Today, undoubtedly, the same formula still works in Arizona.
In Phoenix, he has put together a sharp coaching team in former Detroit Red Wings associate coach Barry Smith, former Coyotes player Rick Tocchet, and former interim head coach Rick Bowness.
When David Vest of the Arizona Republic asked him about the trio, the ever-modest Gretzky was quoted as saying, "I'm ecstatic to have this staff."
When veteran Jeremy Roenick was asked about Gretzky's coaching role, he was quoted as saying: "I think having him stand behind the bench is a great thing for the game of hockey, and we need that coming out of the lockout. He has so much pizzazz and he brings so much leverage to the game that it's a perfect thing for the National Hockey League to have Wayne more involved."
Gretzky has indeed had the Midas touch both as a player and as an executive with Team Canada and also as an 18 per cent owner in the Coyotes, so there's no reason to doubt he'll be successful in his new post.
There will be doubters, but The Great One can always remind them that he once coached a Canadian junior club for one game back in 1981-82. They won 7-0.
While scouting the wires about the Gretzky appointment, I uncovered a quote from John Iaboni of the defunct Toronto Telegram, which read: "There's a little number 9 in town who has ambitions of replacing Gordie Howe ... 10-year-old Wayne Gretzky has proven he can score goals, too." Ironically, Gretz scored 378 goals in one season in "atom" in 1971. I know, for I used to help Iaboni put the minor hockey page together for the Tely. And Gretzky's name was always prominent. So nearly 35 years later, the 44-year-old Gretzky is back in the headlines, where he belongs.
Although, I wasn't able to contact him yesterday in Phoenix, I knew he probably had become an expert horseman, but whether he can sing "Momma, Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up To Be Cowboys," on key, now that's another matter.
NOW THAT'S COSTLY: When Vancouver Canucks' Todd Bertuzzi flattened Colorado's Steve Moore way back on March 8, 2004, it not only caused 'Bert' a devastating suspension, but it cost him $501, 916.39 US in salary, according to the CBC website. That's a hefty price to pay, in any league. NHL head honcho Gary Bettman confirmed Bertuzzi's reinstatement, accompanied by a truckful of legalese.
MORE FROM UNCLE JOHN'S BATHROOM READER: The Quack: Dr. Elisha Perkins. Specialty: A contraption called, "the Tractor," patented in 1796. Treatment: The Tractor, which was made up of two rods -- one copper, zinc, and gold, and one silver, platinum, and iron -- was passed over a sick person. Perkins preached that it literally pulled diseases out of the body and patients such as George Washington and Chief Justice Oliver Ellsworth of the U.S. Supreme Court believed him. Final Diagnosis: Medical experts of the day knew Perkins was a fake, but Perkins may have managed to fool himself. Armed with his magic rods, he traveled to New York in 1799 to treat the victims of a yellow fever epidemic that was sweeping the city. He didn't cure a single person and, a few weeks later, succumbed to the disease himself.
You're an ol' namedropper
Your banker loves to give you greenbacks, right?
No, you say, well I have a few suggestions for you. Five, and possibly, 10, if you pay attention.
The next time you're in the Canadian Bank of Cheap Skates, tell Mr. Tightwad that you're a friend of Bill Gates.
Yes, that Bill Gates, who ranks No. 1 among the world's billionaires, according to Forbes Magazine.
Then if Mr. Tightwad doesn't choke on his pencil, tell him that Billy Boy, age 49, has a net worth of $46.5 billion and read him the Forbes' memo that claims Sir William (yes, he was given an honorary knighthood) is still pressing Microsoft beyond PCs into television set-top boxes, games, cell phones. Gates told his company researchers that "software is where the action is." Of course, Bill is diversifying his wealth, according to Forbes, because he sells 20 million shares each quarter and then re-invests in such hot commodities as Cox Communications, Canadian National Railway, etc. And then when he's not growing money trees, Gates gives it away -- some $27 million. His foundation, along with his wife, Melinda, fights infectious diseases, funds vaccine development and helps high schools.
Isn't Mr. Tightwad convinced you are worthy of a loan?
Well, here's another name for you: Warren Buffet, 74, of Berkshire Hathway, with a net worth of $44 billion. He's a major holder in such investments as insurance, energy, carpets, jewelry, furniture, paint (Benjamin Moore), apparel (Fruit of the Loom), American Express, Coca-Cola, Gillette, etc., according to Forbes.
After Gates and Buffet comes No. 3, according to Forbes, and that's Lakshmi Mittal, 54, from India, who lives in London, England. Overseeing the world's largest steel company, Mittal Steel, he has amassed some $25 billion. This father of two doesn't mind dropping a few dollars, in fact he spent $60 million to host his daughter's five-day long wedding celebration in Versailles last summer.
At No. 4, according to Forbes, is 65-year Carlos Slim Helu, who is worth some $23.8 billion from Mexico City. Cited as Latin America's richest man, this Midas is in communications with diverse holdings in retail, banking, insurance and autoparts manufacturing. In addition, according to Forbes, the widower with six children has invested heavily in Rodin sculptures and even restores colonial buildings in Mexico City's historic city centre.
Perhaps, the most flamboyant of the billionaires is No. 5 Prince Alwaleed Bin Talal Alsaud with a cool $23.7 billion. From Saudi Arabia, this globe-trotting investor, at age 48, has a massive stake in Citicorp, and touts his wealth by taking ads out on CNN.
So there you have it, according to Forbes, the top five billionaires on the planet. Of course, since you're into name-dropping, don't forget to add six through 10: Ingvar Kamprad, Paul Allen, Karl Albrecht, Lawrence Ellison and S. Robson Walton.
O'REILLY GETS SECOND BILLING: As an avid Bill O'Reilly watcher on Fox, the Ol' Columnist was a bit surprised to learn that Greta Van Susteran's 'On the Record' had zoomed into the top ratings as she pursued the disappearance of Natalee Holloway in Aruba. In case, you've missed the story, the Alabama teen vanished, almost into thin air, and has been nightly fare on U.S. networks. Van Susteran, who used to be at CNN, has "camped" out on the vacation island, and averaged 2.2 million viewers nightly during July. She bested O'Reilly eight times in the ratings, although Bill was off four of those nights. The lawyer has been a forceful interviewer in keeping interest in the tragic disappearance.
CARTOON NAMES: If you ever wondered how certain cartoon characters got their names, a peek inside Uncle John's Bathroom Reader might help. Take for instance Bugs Bunny. In 1940, cartoonist Bugs Hardaway submitted preliminary sketches for a "tall, lanky, mean rabbit" for a cartoon called "Hare-um Scare-um" -- and someone labeled the drawings "Bug's Bunny." Hardaway's mean rabbit was never used -- but the name was given to the bunny in the cartooon, "A Wild Hare."
PORKY PIG: According to creator Bob Clampett: "Someone thought of two puppies named Ham and Ex, and that started me thinking, So after dinner one night, I came up with Porky and Beans. I made a drawing of this fat little pig, which I named Porky, and little black cat named Beans."
ROCKY AND BULLWINKLE: Rocky was picked because it was "just a square-sounding kid's name. Bullwinkle was named after Clarence Bulwinkel, a Berkeley, California, used car dealer.
FOGHORN LEGHORN: Modeled after Senator Claghorn, a fictional politician in comedian Fred Allen's radio show.
So you're really that old, that you remember Fred Allen?
No, you say, well I have a few suggestions for you. Five, and possibly, 10, if you pay attention.
The next time you're in the Canadian Bank of Cheap Skates, tell Mr. Tightwad that you're a friend of Bill Gates.
Yes, that Bill Gates, who ranks No. 1 among the world's billionaires, according to Forbes Magazine.
Then if Mr. Tightwad doesn't choke on his pencil, tell him that Billy Boy, age 49, has a net worth of $46.5 billion and read him the Forbes' memo that claims Sir William (yes, he was given an honorary knighthood) is still pressing Microsoft beyond PCs into television set-top boxes, games, cell phones. Gates told his company researchers that "software is where the action is." Of course, Bill is diversifying his wealth, according to Forbes, because he sells 20 million shares each quarter and then re-invests in such hot commodities as Cox Communications, Canadian National Railway, etc. And then when he's not growing money trees, Gates gives it away -- some $27 million. His foundation, along with his wife, Melinda, fights infectious diseases, funds vaccine development and helps high schools.
Isn't Mr. Tightwad convinced you are worthy of a loan?
Well, here's another name for you: Warren Buffet, 74, of Berkshire Hathway, with a net worth of $44 billion. He's a major holder in such investments as insurance, energy, carpets, jewelry, furniture, paint (Benjamin Moore), apparel (Fruit of the Loom), American Express, Coca-Cola, Gillette, etc., according to Forbes.
After Gates and Buffet comes No. 3, according to Forbes, and that's Lakshmi Mittal, 54, from India, who lives in London, England. Overseeing the world's largest steel company, Mittal Steel, he has amassed some $25 billion. This father of two doesn't mind dropping a few dollars, in fact he spent $60 million to host his daughter's five-day long wedding celebration in Versailles last summer.
At No. 4, according to Forbes, is 65-year Carlos Slim Helu, who is worth some $23.8 billion from Mexico City. Cited as Latin America's richest man, this Midas is in communications with diverse holdings in retail, banking, insurance and autoparts manufacturing. In addition, according to Forbes, the widower with six children has invested heavily in Rodin sculptures and even restores colonial buildings in Mexico City's historic city centre.
Perhaps, the most flamboyant of the billionaires is No. 5 Prince Alwaleed Bin Talal Alsaud with a cool $23.7 billion. From Saudi Arabia, this globe-trotting investor, at age 48, has a massive stake in Citicorp, and touts his wealth by taking ads out on CNN.
So there you have it, according to Forbes, the top five billionaires on the planet. Of course, since you're into name-dropping, don't forget to add six through 10: Ingvar Kamprad, Paul Allen, Karl Albrecht, Lawrence Ellison and S. Robson Walton.
O'REILLY GETS SECOND BILLING: As an avid Bill O'Reilly watcher on Fox, the Ol' Columnist was a bit surprised to learn that Greta Van Susteran's 'On the Record' had zoomed into the top ratings as she pursued the disappearance of Natalee Holloway in Aruba. In case, you've missed the story, the Alabama teen vanished, almost into thin air, and has been nightly fare on U.S. networks. Van Susteran, who used to be at CNN, has "camped" out on the vacation island, and averaged 2.2 million viewers nightly during July. She bested O'Reilly eight times in the ratings, although Bill was off four of those nights. The lawyer has been a forceful interviewer in keeping interest in the tragic disappearance.
CARTOON NAMES: If you ever wondered how certain cartoon characters got their names, a peek inside Uncle John's Bathroom Reader might help. Take for instance Bugs Bunny. In 1940, cartoonist Bugs Hardaway submitted preliminary sketches for a "tall, lanky, mean rabbit" for a cartoon called "Hare-um Scare-um" -- and someone labeled the drawings "Bug's Bunny." Hardaway's mean rabbit was never used -- but the name was given to the bunny in the cartooon, "A Wild Hare."
PORKY PIG: According to creator Bob Clampett: "Someone thought of two puppies named Ham and Ex, and that started me thinking, So after dinner one night, I came up with Porky and Beans. I made a drawing of this fat little pig, which I named Porky, and little black cat named Beans."
ROCKY AND BULLWINKLE: Rocky was picked because it was "just a square-sounding kid's name. Bullwinkle was named after Clarence Bulwinkel, a Berkeley, California, used car dealer.
FOGHORN LEGHORN: Modeled after Senator Claghorn, a fictional politician in comedian Fred Allen's radio show.
So you're really that old, that you remember Fred Allen?
Clone this, clone that!
The Mad Scientist was on the phone.
"Hey, Corbett, TMS here, are you ready to be cloned?"
"Uh, what?" I muttered, trying to wipe the sleep from my eyes.
"Do you want to be cloned?" TMS bellowed.
"Come on, who is this?"
Then the Ol' Columnist, warts, bumps and all, realized he was about to get another lecture in genetics.
It seems whenever there's a "cloning," such as the introduction of Snuppy, the world's first cloned dog, earlier this week, TMS wants this planet to know that humans could be next on the list.
It seems unreal, but there's a possibility if you take a look at the cloning data: Sheep in 1996; Mouse in 1997; Cow in 1998; Pig in 2000; Cat in 2002; and now Dog in 2005.
Being uneducated in The Clone Age, I tapped into the details about the Sheep named Dolly -- the first mammal to be cloned from an adult cell -- back on July 5, 1996 at the Edinburgh-based company PPL Therapeutics. In a BBC article, it read stockmen involved in the delivery thought of the fact that the cell used came from a mammary gland, so they gave her the name after country and western singer Dolly Parton. The cloned Dolly, bred normally on two occasions, according to the report, with a Welsh mountain ram called David. She first gave birth to Bonnie in April 1998 and then to three more lambs in 1999. However, a progressive lung disease led to Dolly's demise in February, 2003 at the age of six.
Then there was the Cloned Mouse in 1997. That would be Cumulina, who died of old age in August, 2000. According to the University of Hawaii medical school, Cumulina died in her sleep of natural causes at the age of two years, seven months. It corresponded to age 95 in human years.
Of course, since farming is my life, how could I forget about the cow, known as Kaga, No. 2, born in 1998. The cloned cow made headlines on July 11, 2000 when she gave birth, through artificial insemination at a research centre in northwestern Japan, to a newborn female, weighing 58.3 pounds. It was the world's first reported example of a calf being born to a cloned cow.
And now for those little artificial "oinkers."
It seems the scientists who created Dolly, also had a hand in creating five pig clones in March 2000. The PPL Therapeutics people said they hoped it would help meet the demand for pig organs if "they are approved for use in human transplants."
Incidentally, I almost forgot to name them: Millie, Christa, Alexis, Carrel and Dotcom.
In February, 2002 came the announcement out of Texas A&M of the first pet to be cloned -- a kitten called CopyCat, known as CC for short. According to a news report, CC was "a copy of her genetic mother, and not the tabby surrogate cat that actually gave birth to her."
When someone named Derek Conway from 'Cats Protection' heard about CopyCat, he said: "The cloning of cats interferes with nature and raises serious questions concerning whether a pet can ever truly be replaced."
It's certain some dog lover will have similar thoughts after Snuppy arrived on this planet via cloning.
This Afghan hound, created by controversial South Korean pioneering stem cell scientist Hwang Woo-suk, has obviously reignited a fierce ethical debate since scientists used a skin cell "plucked from another hound," according to the most recent issue of Nature.
With such an announcement, there have been renewed calls for "a global ban on the cloning of humans to produce babies."
Ian Wilmut, one of those "brains," who created Dolly from an adult cell in 1996, added fuel to the fire by saying, "Successful cloning of an increased number of species confirms the general impression that it would be possible to clone any mammalian species, including humans."
While the cloning of Snuppy appears to have re-opened the controversial door into the world of genetics, Dr. Hwang tried to shut it just a little bit by stating that cloning of humans was "unsafe and inefficient." Whatever that means. Of course, in South Korea, "human reproductive cloning is already banned."
However, that doesn't mean other scientists, in other nations, won't attempt to try to clone human beings.
SPEAKING OF CLONING, PART II: Whatever happened to the U.S-based company Clonaid or Dr. Brigitte Boisselier? It seems the controversial company and Boisselier have vanished into thin air, after announcing the birth of a "healthy cloned baby girl nicknamed Eve" back in December 2002? Clonaid and Boisselier were linked to a sect called the Raelians, fronted by Claude Vorihon, who called himself Rael, and claimed that humans were the result of a genetic engineering project run by "super-intelligent extra-terrestrials." So "beam me up, Scotty."
GETTING HIGH ON CURLING?: It's not a new story, but Joe Frans, who curled second on Wayne Middaugh's Ontario rink, received a two-year suspension for, get this, a doping infraction committed at the Brier in Edmonton. Said Frans: "I don't believe it. I drink a lot -- I'm a curler -- but I don't do drugs."
BELIEVE IT OR NOT: (From Uncle John's Bathroom Reader): The Inch in its earliest form was the width of a grown man's thumb. In the 14th century, King Edward II of England decreed that "the length of an inch shall be equal to three grains of barley, dry and round, placed end to end length-wise." This evolved into today's standard measurement ... So what about the Foot? Originally the length of a person's foot (obviously), it was later standardized in English-speaking countries to be 12 inches long, In other parts of the world, however, it could be anywhere from 11 to 14 inches in length.
"Hey, Corbett, TMS here, are you ready to be cloned?"
"Uh, what?" I muttered, trying to wipe the sleep from my eyes.
"Do you want to be cloned?" TMS bellowed.
"Come on, who is this?"
Then the Ol' Columnist, warts, bumps and all, realized he was about to get another lecture in genetics.
It seems whenever there's a "cloning," such as the introduction of Snuppy, the world's first cloned dog, earlier this week, TMS wants this planet to know that humans could be next on the list.
It seems unreal, but there's a possibility if you take a look at the cloning data: Sheep in 1996; Mouse in 1997; Cow in 1998; Pig in 2000; Cat in 2002; and now Dog in 2005.
Being uneducated in The Clone Age, I tapped into the details about the Sheep named Dolly -- the first mammal to be cloned from an adult cell -- back on July 5, 1996 at the Edinburgh-based company PPL Therapeutics. In a BBC article, it read stockmen involved in the delivery thought of the fact that the cell used came from a mammary gland, so they gave her the name after country and western singer Dolly Parton. The cloned Dolly, bred normally on two occasions, according to the report, with a Welsh mountain ram called David. She first gave birth to Bonnie in April 1998 and then to three more lambs in 1999. However, a progressive lung disease led to Dolly's demise in February, 2003 at the age of six.
Then there was the Cloned Mouse in 1997. That would be Cumulina, who died of old age in August, 2000. According to the University of Hawaii medical school, Cumulina died in her sleep of natural causes at the age of two years, seven months. It corresponded to age 95 in human years.
Of course, since farming is my life, how could I forget about the cow, known as Kaga, No. 2, born in 1998. The cloned cow made headlines on July 11, 2000 when she gave birth, through artificial insemination at a research centre in northwestern Japan, to a newborn female, weighing 58.3 pounds. It was the world's first reported example of a calf being born to a cloned cow.
And now for those little artificial "oinkers."
It seems the scientists who created Dolly, also had a hand in creating five pig clones in March 2000. The PPL Therapeutics people said they hoped it would help meet the demand for pig organs if "they are approved for use in human transplants."
Incidentally, I almost forgot to name them: Millie, Christa, Alexis, Carrel and Dotcom.
In February, 2002 came the announcement out of Texas A&M of the first pet to be cloned -- a kitten called CopyCat, known as CC for short. According to a news report, CC was "a copy of her genetic mother, and not the tabby surrogate cat that actually gave birth to her."
When someone named Derek Conway from 'Cats Protection' heard about CopyCat, he said: "The cloning of cats interferes with nature and raises serious questions concerning whether a pet can ever truly be replaced."
It's certain some dog lover will have similar thoughts after Snuppy arrived on this planet via cloning.
This Afghan hound, created by controversial South Korean pioneering stem cell scientist Hwang Woo-suk, has obviously reignited a fierce ethical debate since scientists used a skin cell "plucked from another hound," according to the most recent issue of Nature.
With such an announcement, there have been renewed calls for "a global ban on the cloning of humans to produce babies."
Ian Wilmut, one of those "brains," who created Dolly from an adult cell in 1996, added fuel to the fire by saying, "Successful cloning of an increased number of species confirms the general impression that it would be possible to clone any mammalian species, including humans."
While the cloning of Snuppy appears to have re-opened the controversial door into the world of genetics, Dr. Hwang tried to shut it just a little bit by stating that cloning of humans was "unsafe and inefficient." Whatever that means. Of course, in South Korea, "human reproductive cloning is already banned."
However, that doesn't mean other scientists, in other nations, won't attempt to try to clone human beings.
SPEAKING OF CLONING, PART II: Whatever happened to the U.S-based company Clonaid or Dr. Brigitte Boisselier? It seems the controversial company and Boisselier have vanished into thin air, after announcing the birth of a "healthy cloned baby girl nicknamed Eve" back in December 2002? Clonaid and Boisselier were linked to a sect called the Raelians, fronted by Claude Vorihon, who called himself Rael, and claimed that humans were the result of a genetic engineering project run by "super-intelligent extra-terrestrials." So "beam me up, Scotty."
GETTING HIGH ON CURLING?: It's not a new story, but Joe Frans, who curled second on Wayne Middaugh's Ontario rink, received a two-year suspension for, get this, a doping infraction committed at the Brier in Edmonton. Said Frans: "I don't believe it. I drink a lot -- I'm a curler -- but I don't do drugs."
BELIEVE IT OR NOT: (From Uncle John's Bathroom Reader): The Inch in its earliest form was the width of a grown man's thumb. In the 14th century, King Edward II of England decreed that "the length of an inch shall be equal to three grains of barley, dry and round, placed end to end length-wise." This evolved into today's standard measurement ... So what about the Foot? Originally the length of a person's foot (obviously), it was later standardized in English-speaking countries to be 12 inches long, In other parts of the world, however, it could be anywhere from 11 to 14 inches in length.
Canseco and the 'Roids issue
Jose Canseco believes he's been 'Vindicated.'
The other night on American television, the hulk and former Bash Brother with the Oakland Athletics was explaining the role he has had in steroids exposure and the title of his next book. His earlier book, called 'Juiced,' was a runaway bestseller and although he was "blackballed" by Major League Baseball, it seemingly set in motion for the doors to be opened for 'roid users in sports to be exposed.
After Baltimore superstar Raffy Palmeiro and Seattle pitcher Ryan Franklin were hauled on the carpet and banned for 10 games for 'roid use this week, there seems little reason to believe that other sports will not be ripped apart by the "better living through chemistry" philosophy.
Is major-league basketball next?
Is major-league hockey next?
Is major-league tiddly-winks next?
The infiltration of steroids and its affiliated "juice" seems to be prevalent among both young and older athletes.
Probably, the most startling news came from the New York Times this week, stating Palmeiro's positive steroid test was for the very powerful steroid, known as stanozolol. Apparently, the Orioles' slugger now has called the incident an "accident" and not a deliberate act.
Palmeiro tested "positive" for taking the drug known by the brand name, Winstrol. If that sounds familiar, the New York Times website connects Winstrol with Canada's fallen hero, the sprinter Ben Johnson, who was stripped of his gold medal in the 100-meter in 1988 after testing for, yes that's right, stanozolol.
Apparently, Raffy failed the test prior to the U.S. Congressional hearings, where he was so staunch in denying he had ever taken any steroids of any kind. Fibbing to the ninth degree seems to be the modus operandi for numerous athletes.
When Canseco testified before the U.S. body he was apparently isolated from his former fellow players and he claims that MLB and its leader, Bud Selig, has a great deal to hide.
Whether this is true or not, Selig and MLB should expose baseball's underbelly and clean up the sport and do it in short order, before any more damage can be done to America's pasttime.
In 'Slate', Bryan Curtis wrote: "Juiced' is a mesmerizing book, and not just because Canseco throws off stories like that without a trace of self-regard. Canseco has pulled off the impossible: He has written a giddy testimonial to steroids."
Of course, Canseco has, but while one can hold contempt for Jose, he, nevertheless, has pulled back the curtain on a dark side of sports -- not just baseball, but the entire athletic world.
According to Curtis, Canseco was only 5 feet 11 inches and a puny 155 pounds in high school and far from his present 6 feet 4 inches and 250 pounds and Jose has been been quoted as saying, "Steroids, used correctly, will not only make you stronger and sexier, they will also make you healthier."
In 1994, World Wrestling Federation owner Vince McMahon was cleared in his trial for conspiracy to distribute anabolic steroids, however, his top superstar Hulk (Terry Bollea) Hogan, in the official court transcript, admitted some of the steroids he had used were Dianabol, Anavar, Winstrol, testosterone, and Deca Durabolin.
Now Winstrol has come to the forefront again -- this time in baseball.
With the Palmeiro and Franklin's suspension, perhaps, the U.S. Congress should take another closer look at the athletes' names that have swirled around the TGH issue such as NFLers Barret Robbins, Bill Romanowski, Chris Cooper, and Dana Stubblefield.
The late Ken Caminiti, the former Houston Astro and San Diego Padre, once told Sports Illustrated that drug use was widespread. "It's no secret what's going on in baseball. At least half the guys are using steroids." Caminiti died under strange circumstances.
.
NIKE STILL LEADS BY A MILE: Although there's still quite a gap in the running shoes biz, Adidas is about to gobble up Reebok for some $3.8 billion. What it means is that the world's second and third-biggest sports goods companies own more than 21 per cent share of the U.S. market with Nike far in front at 36 per cent. Incidentally, Reebok has the inside track on sporting euipment for the NBA, NFL, NHL, and MLB. Now, I still have a pair of worn down ol' running shoes lying in a closet somewhere. So what are they worth? Did I hear someone say: I'll give you a dollar?'
SOMETHING ODD: In seraching for odd items for this Thursday column, the Ol' Columnist came across this news story out of Moscow. It seems Chechnya's government has banned slots because they consider them un-Islamic. Apparently , the one-armed bandits are popular, but Ramzan Kadyrov, one of the region's top officials, and the religious leaders and elders have banned them.
GONE TO THE DOGS: (From Uncle John's Bathroom Reader): Q. Is a dog year the equivalent of seven human years? A. No -- it is actually five to six years. The average life expectancy of a dog is 12-14 years. However, most dogs mature sexually within six to nine months, so in a sense there is no strict correspondence to human years.
TO ERR IS HUMAN: In the mad rush of Saturday night's CASCAR 300 at Sun Valley Speedway, the Ol' Eyeballs apparently deceived me, for race winner D.J. Kennington passed his rivals three laps from the mad dash to the finish, according to the official scoring sheet. Brad Graham and Don Thomson, Jr. finished a close second and third. Mea culpa.
The other night on American television, the hulk and former Bash Brother with the Oakland Athletics was explaining the role he has had in steroids exposure and the title of his next book. His earlier book, called 'Juiced,' was a runaway bestseller and although he was "blackballed" by Major League Baseball, it seemingly set in motion for the doors to be opened for 'roid users in sports to be exposed.
After Baltimore superstar Raffy Palmeiro and Seattle pitcher Ryan Franklin were hauled on the carpet and banned for 10 games for 'roid use this week, there seems little reason to believe that other sports will not be ripped apart by the "better living through chemistry" philosophy.
Is major-league basketball next?
Is major-league hockey next?
Is major-league tiddly-winks next?
The infiltration of steroids and its affiliated "juice" seems to be prevalent among both young and older athletes.
Probably, the most startling news came from the New York Times this week, stating Palmeiro's positive steroid test was for the very powerful steroid, known as stanozolol. Apparently, the Orioles' slugger now has called the incident an "accident" and not a deliberate act.
Palmeiro tested "positive" for taking the drug known by the brand name, Winstrol. If that sounds familiar, the New York Times website connects Winstrol with Canada's fallen hero, the sprinter Ben Johnson, who was stripped of his gold medal in the 100-meter in 1988 after testing for, yes that's right, stanozolol.
Apparently, Raffy failed the test prior to the U.S. Congressional hearings, where he was so staunch in denying he had ever taken any steroids of any kind. Fibbing to the ninth degree seems to be the modus operandi for numerous athletes.
When Canseco testified before the U.S. body he was apparently isolated from his former fellow players and he claims that MLB and its leader, Bud Selig, has a great deal to hide.
Whether this is true or not, Selig and MLB should expose baseball's underbelly and clean up the sport and do it in short order, before any more damage can be done to America's pasttime.
In 'Slate', Bryan Curtis wrote: "Juiced' is a mesmerizing book, and not just because Canseco throws off stories like that without a trace of self-regard. Canseco has pulled off the impossible: He has written a giddy testimonial to steroids."
Of course, Canseco has, but while one can hold contempt for Jose, he, nevertheless, has pulled back the curtain on a dark side of sports -- not just baseball, but the entire athletic world.
According to Curtis, Canseco was only 5 feet 11 inches and a puny 155 pounds in high school and far from his present 6 feet 4 inches and 250 pounds and Jose has been been quoted as saying, "Steroids, used correctly, will not only make you stronger and sexier, they will also make you healthier."
In 1994, World Wrestling Federation owner Vince McMahon was cleared in his trial for conspiracy to distribute anabolic steroids, however, his top superstar Hulk (Terry Bollea) Hogan, in the official court transcript, admitted some of the steroids he had used were Dianabol, Anavar, Winstrol, testosterone, and Deca Durabolin.
Now Winstrol has come to the forefront again -- this time in baseball.
With the Palmeiro and Franklin's suspension, perhaps, the U.S. Congress should take another closer look at the athletes' names that have swirled around the TGH issue such as NFLers Barret Robbins, Bill Romanowski, Chris Cooper, and Dana Stubblefield.
The late Ken Caminiti, the former Houston Astro and San Diego Padre, once told Sports Illustrated that drug use was widespread. "It's no secret what's going on in baseball. At least half the guys are using steroids." Caminiti died under strange circumstances.
.
NIKE STILL LEADS BY A MILE: Although there's still quite a gap in the running shoes biz, Adidas is about to gobble up Reebok for some $3.8 billion. What it means is that the world's second and third-biggest sports goods companies own more than 21 per cent share of the U.S. market with Nike far in front at 36 per cent. Incidentally, Reebok has the inside track on sporting euipment for the NBA, NFL, NHL, and MLB. Now, I still have a pair of worn down ol' running shoes lying in a closet somewhere. So what are they worth? Did I hear someone say: I'll give you a dollar?'
SOMETHING ODD: In seraching for odd items for this Thursday column, the Ol' Columnist came across this news story out of Moscow. It seems Chechnya's government has banned slots because they consider them un-Islamic. Apparently , the one-armed bandits are popular, but Ramzan Kadyrov, one of the region's top officials, and the religious leaders and elders have banned them.
GONE TO THE DOGS: (From Uncle John's Bathroom Reader): Q. Is a dog year the equivalent of seven human years? A. No -- it is actually five to six years. The average life expectancy of a dog is 12-14 years. However, most dogs mature sexually within six to nine months, so in a sense there is no strict correspondence to human years.
TO ERR IS HUMAN: In the mad rush of Saturday night's CASCAR 300 at Sun Valley Speedway, the Ol' Eyeballs apparently deceived me, for race winner D.J. Kennington passed his rivals three laps from the mad dash to the finish, according to the official scoring sheet. Brad Graham and Don Thomson, Jr. finished a close second and third. Mea culpa.
When timing is everything
For Peter Cadiou, timing is everything.
In fact during Saturday night's blistering Sun Valley Speedway 300, Cadiou as CASCAR's director of scoring and timing, closely watched a number of laptop screens as D.J. Kennington blazed across the finish line, only a miniscule 0.371 seconds ahead of Brad Graham with pre-race favorite Don Thomson, Jr. third, some 3.191 seconds off Kennington's pace.
Within minutes after the race completion, a printout sheet was available in Cadiou's "tower," with the order of finish and assorted details for the 29 cars. It was handed to inquiring eyes by Cadiou's daughter, Robyn.
While Cadiou monitored the various readings from the tiny tracking devices inside each race car and from wires implanted in the track itself, his daughter did the race charting manually.
It's actually been a family affair for the Cadious.
"My wife, Rose, used to do this. She was my main lap charter from Day One. She just retired at the end of last year," said the calm, cool and collected Cadiou, adding, "She just got tired of traveling. The stuff that goes on. So now she stays home (in Cambridge, Ontario)."
Actually, for Cadiou, timing and scoring for the 12-race CASCAR season, is just a sideline from his main profession as a computer programmer for Hammond Manufacturing, located in Guelph, Ont.
"These are usually one or two day shows," he explained. "So I can work all week at my job, leave home on Friday night, be at the racetrack on Saturday and then be home on Sunday night. That's most of the time."
However, when the CASCAR Super Series decided to swing west for the MOPAR 300 in Calgary and the Sun Valley 300, his schedule changed.
"I've been here, since a week Thursday," he said early Saturday night."We flew out to Calgary last Thursday and we did the same layout Friday and Saturday. A lot of the CASCAR teams went back home (mainly to Ontario), but my daughter and myself stayed out here, so we got a bit of a holiday."
Cadiou continued by saying, "We came out here (to the Vernon area) on Wednesday and toured around, but then we go back (to Ontario) the first thing Sunday morning."
His daughter, Robyn, lives and works in Cambridge, Ontario, "so we book our holidays around the races," he said.
While sitting in the "tower," prior to the late afternoon start of the Sun Valley 300, Cadiou reminisced. "I come from the old manual days," he said, but he acknowledges that the high-tech approach certainly has changed racing throughout the world.
"It has eliminated an awful lot of disputes," he emphasized. "The big arguments are not so much with the scoring, but living with electronics, it sometimes misses to. The arguments come when someone is mad at someone ... like the race director might order a black flag to someone, who obviously didn't think they did wrong ... so that kind of dispute still happens. Unlike it used to be when we did it manually and the argument would become: 'Aw, you missed me, I was out there the whole time.'"
However, while Cadiou and Robyn charted the race with high-tech gadgets and also manually, the REAL boss was the race director, Don Radford, from Windsor, Ontario.
"If he sees something he doesn't like, he'll tell the flag man or one of the pit stewards and tell them 'to talk to that guy,'" said Cadiou. "Some of the things we do is stop and go, which in this case, he gets a black flag and that's in the form of a penalty, which is not really serious. Something a little bit more serious, they'll come in for a stop and talk and the steward will talk to you for a few minutes and, of course, you lose laps.
"And then the next thing is to bring you in and tell you to fix it right, and, maybe, you can go if we like what you've done. That's basically the three levels."
Besides having a computerized advantage of timing and scoring these "big time" races, Cadiou pointed out the racing teams are also connected to the high-tech with their own TVs or laptops. "So they can look and say, 'Oh, I'm chasing so and so or I'm on lap so and so.'"
As for his future, Cadiou smiled and said: "I was thinking about packing it in, in the last few years. But then I wondered what I was going to do and so I'll think I'll hang in for a bit longer."
PIT STOPS: For those who missed the results, here are the top four finishers, who actually completed the 300 laps:: 1. D.J. Kennington, Castrol Canada Dodge, St. Thomas, Ont. (2:07: 3.144; MPH average: 53.058); 2. Brad Graham, Challenger Motor Freight, Glencoe, Ont.; 3. Don Thomson, Jr., Home Hardware Chevrolet, Hamilton, Ont.; 4. Peter Gibbons, Canadian Tire/Monroe C, Stouffville, Ont. ... The lone female in 300 was rookie Tara MacLeod of Innisfil, Ont., who wound up 15th after completing 295 laps ... There were five race cautions for 53 laps ... Checking out the final results: Jason White of Sun Peaks, B.C., 16th (295 laps); Shane Charlton, Kelowna, 17th (295); James Ward, Kelowna, 18th (294); Randy Kozek, Kelowna, 20th (284); James White, Kamloops, 23rd (261); and Sean Maltman, Vernon, 27th (85) ... Sun Valley is the first and only B.C. location to host the National CASCAR Super Series ... Western Series champion Kevin Dowler gave his Eastern Canadian counterparts a "pep talk" about Sun Valley. He was quoted as saying, "it's fast and it's been good to us. There's no other track like it in Canada. There are two totally different turns at each end of the track. There's progressive banking in turns 3 and 4, and turn 1 is just about flat. And there's a kink in the middle of the front straight, It's almost like a small road course or maybe like Richmond International Raceway, with alternate ends." Dowler finished ninth on Saturday night.
In fact during Saturday night's blistering Sun Valley Speedway 300, Cadiou as CASCAR's director of scoring and timing, closely watched a number of laptop screens as D.J. Kennington blazed across the finish line, only a miniscule 0.371 seconds ahead of Brad Graham with pre-race favorite Don Thomson, Jr. third, some 3.191 seconds off Kennington's pace.
Within minutes after the race completion, a printout sheet was available in Cadiou's "tower," with the order of finish and assorted details for the 29 cars. It was handed to inquiring eyes by Cadiou's daughter, Robyn.
While Cadiou monitored the various readings from the tiny tracking devices inside each race car and from wires implanted in the track itself, his daughter did the race charting manually.
It's actually been a family affair for the Cadious.
"My wife, Rose, used to do this. She was my main lap charter from Day One. She just retired at the end of last year," said the calm, cool and collected Cadiou, adding, "She just got tired of traveling. The stuff that goes on. So now she stays home (in Cambridge, Ontario)."
Actually, for Cadiou, timing and scoring for the 12-race CASCAR season, is just a sideline from his main profession as a computer programmer for Hammond Manufacturing, located in Guelph, Ont.
"These are usually one or two day shows," he explained. "So I can work all week at my job, leave home on Friday night, be at the racetrack on Saturday and then be home on Sunday night. That's most of the time."
However, when the CASCAR Super Series decided to swing west for the MOPAR 300 in Calgary and the Sun Valley 300, his schedule changed.
"I've been here, since a week Thursday," he said early Saturday night."We flew out to Calgary last Thursday and we did the same layout Friday and Saturday. A lot of the CASCAR teams went back home (mainly to Ontario), but my daughter and myself stayed out here, so we got a bit of a holiday."
Cadiou continued by saying, "We came out here (to the Vernon area) on Wednesday and toured around, but then we go back (to Ontario) the first thing Sunday morning."
His daughter, Robyn, lives and works in Cambridge, Ontario, "so we book our holidays around the races," he said.
While sitting in the "tower," prior to the late afternoon start of the Sun Valley 300, Cadiou reminisced. "I come from the old manual days," he said, but he acknowledges that the high-tech approach certainly has changed racing throughout the world.
"It has eliminated an awful lot of disputes," he emphasized. "The big arguments are not so much with the scoring, but living with electronics, it sometimes misses to. The arguments come when someone is mad at someone ... like the race director might order a black flag to someone, who obviously didn't think they did wrong ... so that kind of dispute still happens. Unlike it used to be when we did it manually and the argument would become: 'Aw, you missed me, I was out there the whole time.'"
However, while Cadiou and Robyn charted the race with high-tech gadgets and also manually, the REAL boss was the race director, Don Radford, from Windsor, Ontario.
"If he sees something he doesn't like, he'll tell the flag man or one of the pit stewards and tell them 'to talk to that guy,'" said Cadiou. "Some of the things we do is stop and go, which in this case, he gets a black flag and that's in the form of a penalty, which is not really serious. Something a little bit more serious, they'll come in for a stop and talk and the steward will talk to you for a few minutes and, of course, you lose laps.
"And then the next thing is to bring you in and tell you to fix it right, and, maybe, you can go if we like what you've done. That's basically the three levels."
Besides having a computerized advantage of timing and scoring these "big time" races, Cadiou pointed out the racing teams are also connected to the high-tech with their own TVs or laptops. "So they can look and say, 'Oh, I'm chasing so and so or I'm on lap so and so.'"
As for his future, Cadiou smiled and said: "I was thinking about packing it in, in the last few years. But then I wondered what I was going to do and so I'll think I'll hang in for a bit longer."
PIT STOPS: For those who missed the results, here are the top four finishers, who actually completed the 300 laps:: 1. D.J. Kennington, Castrol Canada Dodge, St. Thomas, Ont. (2:07: 3.144; MPH average: 53.058); 2. Brad Graham, Challenger Motor Freight, Glencoe, Ont.; 3. Don Thomson, Jr., Home Hardware Chevrolet, Hamilton, Ont.; 4. Peter Gibbons, Canadian Tire/Monroe C, Stouffville, Ont. ... The lone female in 300 was rookie Tara MacLeod of Innisfil, Ont., who wound up 15th after completing 295 laps ... There were five race cautions for 53 laps ... Checking out the final results: Jason White of Sun Peaks, B.C., 16th (295 laps); Shane Charlton, Kelowna, 17th (295); James Ward, Kelowna, 18th (294); Randy Kozek, Kelowna, 20th (284); James White, Kamloops, 23rd (261); and Sean Maltman, Vernon, 27th (85) ... Sun Valley is the first and only B.C. location to host the National CASCAR Super Series ... Western Series champion Kevin Dowler gave his Eastern Canadian counterparts a "pep talk" about Sun Valley. He was quoted as saying, "it's fast and it's been good to us. There's no other track like it in Canada. There are two totally different turns at each end of the track. There's progressive banking in turns 3 and 4, and turn 1 is just about flat. And there's a kink in the middle of the front straight, It's almost like a small road course or maybe like Richmond International Raceway, with alternate ends." Dowler finished ninth on Saturday night.
Fire season on the horizon
When the Ol' Columnist began checking his old e-mails yesterday, one stood out from Saturday, August 16, 2003 and even though it was dated, it holds true today as the scorching sun continues to beat down on my valley and throughout the Okanagan:
It read: "I'm glad things are starting to get back to normal near your place. It was a strange drive to Penticton this morning, watching the yellow water bombers dip into the lake before dropping a fresh load of water on the Okanagan Mountain blaze. The fire, which began last night, had spread all around the mountain by mid-afternoon, blanketing nearby Peachland and Kelowna in a thick cloud of smoke. I've driven through burnt out Louis Creek and past the blackened hills near Whispering Pines -- but neither compared to the eeriness of my home town filled with wildfire smoke. Anyway, I'm sure you know the feeling after the events of this strange summer. Signed, David.
Besides the e-mail, David forwarded a story he had written for August 6, 2003. It read, in part: "Black smoke still curls from patches of Shea Alexander's backyard nearly a week after a devastating wildfire started alongside Highway 97 a stones throw from the teen's house. It's suspected the fire started after a driver flicked a lit cigarette out the window. Alexander, 15, stood in his backyard Wednesday surveying the blackened hillside his country home, a 10-minute drive from Falkland. He ventured up a narrow dirt road toward the highway to inspect what's left of his step father's workshop."
In a strange twist of fate, both the e-mail and the story were written by David Wylie, now the managing editor of the Vernon Daily Courier, and Shea Alexander, now age 17, happens to be the Ol' Columnist's grandson.
Since the 2003 fires, there has been a sense of "it could happen again," for the condiitions are very similiar to 2003 -- the oppressive heat and, of course, "idiots" continue to throw lit cigarettes out of car windows.
ANOTHER VIEW OF 'THE DAY FROM HELL': Wesley and Stacey Campbell, founders of Revival Now ministries based in Kelowna, were seriously impacted by the 2003 inferno. This is a portion of what they wrote for Canadian Christianity. com:
"For us, the whole fire ordeal has been -- to put it bluntly -- quite hairy! We were on holidays up north for a fishing trip with our friends at Stewart's Lodge, when the fire began. On Saturday, August 16, lightning struck in the centre of Okanagan Mountain Provincial Park, 20 miles southwest of Kelowna. Fanned by 70 kilometre per hour winds, the fire began to grow quickly. The location of the fire was directly across the lake from the house at which we are presently now staying (since we were evacuated).
"By Monday, August 18, the fire had grown to more than 2,200 hectares. It was starting to grow out of control, even with 40 firefighters, and helicopter and water bombers fighting it. Some 45 residents on Lakeshore Road were evacuated, as well as all the cabins at Chute Lake Resort.
"... As we drove home on Friday, we had no way of knowing what was coming. Really, no one expected it. We tried to call home many times during the nine-hour trip, but all the telephone lines were jammed. We had no way of knowing that Friday was turning into what reports would later describe as 'The Day from Hell.'
CUNNINGHAM IN THE RUNNING? On May 17, Juliette Cunningham had a "good showing" as the NDP candidate against the B.C. Liberal Party incumbent Tom Christiansen. While she lost in the provincial election, Cunningham told me yesterday she's seriously considering running for city council, whenever an election is called. So the political season is far from over for Cunningham, who has been serving as a school trustee for the past eight years. When I broached the subject of her running for Vernon mayor, she apparently has already scuttled that idea.
`REMEMBER ESKIMO PIES (From Uncle John's Bathroom Reader): Christian Nelson owned a candy and ice cream store in Onawa, Iowa. One day in 1920, a kid came into the store and ordered a candy bar ... and then changed his mind and asked for an ice-cream sandwich ... and then changed his mind again and asked for a marshmallow nut bar. Nelson wondered for a minute why there wasn't one candy-and-ice cream bar to satisify all the kid's cravings -- and then decided to make one himself: a vanilla bar coated with a chocolate shell. Once he figured out how to make the chocolate stick to the ice-cream, he had to think of a name for his product. At a dinner party, someone suggested "Eskimo" because it sounded cold. But other people thought it sounded too exotic -- so Nelson added the word "pie."
HERE'S ANOTHER ONE FROM 'UNCLE JOHN': From 1968 to 1979, Dock Ellis pitched for the Pittsburgh Pirates, New York Yankees, Oakland Athletics, Texas Rangers, and New York Mets. He won 138 games and played in twoWorld Series, but his biggest achievement was the no-hitter he pitched as a Pirate on June 12, 1970. Fourteen years later, Ellis revealed he'd accomplished this feat while under the influence of LSD.
FINALLY, ZOOM! ZOOM! What are you doing this weekend? If you're a CASCAR fan, then Sun Valley Speedway, a few miles from the Ol' Homestead, will be THE PLACE to be. Let's see, Friday schedule starts at noon with the gates open to VIP and pre-paid ticket holders and general admission at 1, with practice sessions from 1:30 to 3:45 p.m., time trials at 6 and 2 x 100-lap qualifying races at 7. And that's not all, for following the races, one of this Ol' Boy's favorite performers, Lee Dinwoodie, will be on stage ... On Saturday, more of the same, with the 300-lap CASCAR main event at 7 ... The Ol' Columnist will be there; stop by and say, "howdy."
It read: "I'm glad things are starting to get back to normal near your place. It was a strange drive to Penticton this morning, watching the yellow water bombers dip into the lake before dropping a fresh load of water on the Okanagan Mountain blaze. The fire, which began last night, had spread all around the mountain by mid-afternoon, blanketing nearby Peachland and Kelowna in a thick cloud of smoke. I've driven through burnt out Louis Creek and past the blackened hills near Whispering Pines -- but neither compared to the eeriness of my home town filled with wildfire smoke. Anyway, I'm sure you know the feeling after the events of this strange summer. Signed, David.
Besides the e-mail, David forwarded a story he had written for August 6, 2003. It read, in part: "Black smoke still curls from patches of Shea Alexander's backyard nearly a week after a devastating wildfire started alongside Highway 97 a stones throw from the teen's house. It's suspected the fire started after a driver flicked a lit cigarette out the window. Alexander, 15, stood in his backyard Wednesday surveying the blackened hillside his country home, a 10-minute drive from Falkland. He ventured up a narrow dirt road toward the highway to inspect what's left of his step father's workshop."
In a strange twist of fate, both the e-mail and the story were written by David Wylie, now the managing editor of the Vernon Daily Courier, and Shea Alexander, now age 17, happens to be the Ol' Columnist's grandson.
Since the 2003 fires, there has been a sense of "it could happen again," for the condiitions are very similiar to 2003 -- the oppressive heat and, of course, "idiots" continue to throw lit cigarettes out of car windows.
ANOTHER VIEW OF 'THE DAY FROM HELL': Wesley and Stacey Campbell, founders of Revival Now ministries based in Kelowna, were seriously impacted by the 2003 inferno. This is a portion of what they wrote for Canadian Christianity. com:
"For us, the whole fire ordeal has been -- to put it bluntly -- quite hairy! We were on holidays up north for a fishing trip with our friends at Stewart's Lodge, when the fire began. On Saturday, August 16, lightning struck in the centre of Okanagan Mountain Provincial Park, 20 miles southwest of Kelowna. Fanned by 70 kilometre per hour winds, the fire began to grow quickly. The location of the fire was directly across the lake from the house at which we are presently now staying (since we were evacuated).
"By Monday, August 18, the fire had grown to more than 2,200 hectares. It was starting to grow out of control, even with 40 firefighters, and helicopter and water bombers fighting it. Some 45 residents on Lakeshore Road were evacuated, as well as all the cabins at Chute Lake Resort.
"... As we drove home on Friday, we had no way of knowing what was coming. Really, no one expected it. We tried to call home many times during the nine-hour trip, but all the telephone lines were jammed. We had no way of knowing that Friday was turning into what reports would later describe as 'The Day from Hell.'
CUNNINGHAM IN THE RUNNING? On May 17, Juliette Cunningham had a "good showing" as the NDP candidate against the B.C. Liberal Party incumbent Tom Christiansen. While she lost in the provincial election, Cunningham told me yesterday she's seriously considering running for city council, whenever an election is called. So the political season is far from over for Cunningham, who has been serving as a school trustee for the past eight years. When I broached the subject of her running for Vernon mayor, she apparently has already scuttled that idea.
`REMEMBER ESKIMO PIES (From Uncle John's Bathroom Reader): Christian Nelson owned a candy and ice cream store in Onawa, Iowa. One day in 1920, a kid came into the store and ordered a candy bar ... and then changed his mind and asked for an ice-cream sandwich ... and then changed his mind again and asked for a marshmallow nut bar. Nelson wondered for a minute why there wasn't one candy-and-ice cream bar to satisify all the kid's cravings -- and then decided to make one himself: a vanilla bar coated with a chocolate shell. Once he figured out how to make the chocolate stick to the ice-cream, he had to think of a name for his product. At a dinner party, someone suggested "Eskimo" because it sounded cold. But other people thought it sounded too exotic -- so Nelson added the word "pie."
HERE'S ANOTHER ONE FROM 'UNCLE JOHN': From 1968 to 1979, Dock Ellis pitched for the Pittsburgh Pirates, New York Yankees, Oakland Athletics, Texas Rangers, and New York Mets. He won 138 games and played in twoWorld Series, but his biggest achievement was the no-hitter he pitched as a Pirate on June 12, 1970. Fourteen years later, Ellis revealed he'd accomplished this feat while under the influence of LSD.
FINALLY, ZOOM! ZOOM! What are you doing this weekend? If you're a CASCAR fan, then Sun Valley Speedway, a few miles from the Ol' Homestead, will be THE PLACE to be. Let's see, Friday schedule starts at noon with the gates open to VIP and pre-paid ticket holders and general admission at 1, with practice sessions from 1:30 to 3:45 p.m., time trials at 6 and 2 x 100-lap qualifying races at 7. And that's not all, for following the races, one of this Ol' Boy's favorite performers, Lee Dinwoodie, will be on stage ... On Saturday, more of the same, with the 300-lap CASCAR main event at 7 ... The Ol' Columnist will be there; stop by and say, "howdy."
UFOs, Ogopogo and Sasquatch
It is the 'silly season.'
That's right, it's the time of year when the Ol' Columnist's thoughts turn to UFOs, Ogopogo and even Sasquatch.
So letting my fingers do the walking, I lifted the lid on the National UFO Reporting Center and found this July 14th story about some young lady in Scarborough, Ontario -- a suburb just east of Toronto.
"Star gazing and enjoying the cool breeze from the lake this evening, I was on my patio with my dog getting some fresh air. I saw something move across the sky above me, from east to west just over my head. Blinked my eyes to have a better look. When I refocused I saw an unusual object/objects. It was hard to determine if just one object or more then one because of the glow of lights on it/them.
"I can't give you a size because I"m not sure if it was more then one object or just one. There were three lights, in the shape of a triangle/chevron two bottom lights then one top ligh ... .in the direction of travel. The shape didn't appear to be all straight lines, it appeared shadowed in and curved a little on the inside like a chevron. It was a fuzzy outline and it's overcast tonight so I really couldn't make out if this was one object or not.
"The lights were not blinking like aircraft lights do, just illuminated, it wasn't a search light, spotlight or other regular type lighting, there was NO engine/motor sound, no propeller sound, no NOTHING! At first while I was watching it seemed to be moving at a fast pace like a streak above me which caught my eye ... I thought at first it was a shooting star. This craft/crafts, then slowed down almost to a crawl but still moving (slower then the speed you would see a satellite move in the night sky). Then it stopped but not abruptly, very gently and went the left (south towards the lake) then back to where it started from in the same line (east to west), then to the right (north) It came back to the original spot and began again traveling westward, towards the downtown or main core of Toronto.
"As I watched it, I noticed the speed was not consistent, very erratic like fast then slow but never jerky, very smooth but odd speeds. The speed seemed to move steadily after it did that little left right (north south) thing and began it's way west again. Eventually it was out of my sight.
"I remained outside for a while looking again and I know I will go back out again and look more. There was a small engine aircraft and a jet around the same time and area, one traveling east, the other south west (towards Toronto Island Airport). I've seen something almost identical to this with my father, in this same yard on this same patio and at the same time of year ... roughly 22 years ago. I was just a young girl then. THE ONLY difference, it was traveling from west to east and a bit lower in the sky. At that time there were (3) of them. I remember they were glowing and as I recall they looked, perhaps, with a green glow but not a dark or deep green rather a pale green, soft green.
"As for the other things, the chevron-shaped crafts .. .they look like the formation of how birds fly in a V but upside down ....the point is the direction it travels."
'Ms. Scarborough' continued describing her experience, but I wanted to focus on another unexplained phenomenon and that's Ogopogo.
On June 2nd, the headline in this newspaper read: Ogopogo searcher part of a strange breed. In it, Arlene Gaal explained her study of a strange animal that lives in Lake Okanagan in great detail. She also was certainly convincing in a well-searched Internet article which answered the question: Do you believe there is an Ogopogo?
"There is no doubt in my mind that there is an unidentified animal living in Lake Okanagan, whose name is Ogopogo. The Indians call it N'ha-a-itk. And it goes back three centuries in the Okanagan Valley."
When I read Tuesday's edition of the Kelowna Courier, a story by J.P. Squire got my attention for Arlene Gaal is liberally quoted and talking about a National Geographic TV special on Monday, Aug. 1 concerning a creature in the lake. I certainly will be tuning in, for it just might answer the ageless question: Is Ogie for real?
And then there's Sasquatch, also known as Bigfoot and Yeti or Abominable Snowman.
However, we'll save those stories of the hairy creature for another day.
NOW THAT'S HOT: Sometimes I run across some gems. One that caught my eye was written by author, speaker, syndicated columnist and remodeled man, W. Bruce Cameron, in relating his time as a judge at a 1997 chili cook-off:
He described something called Susan's Screaming Sensation Chili this way: JUDGE ONE: A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned peppers. JUDGE TWO: Ho, Hum, tastes as if the chef threw in canned chili peppers at the last moment. I should note that I am a bit worried about Judge Number 3, he appears to be in a bit of distress. CAMERON: You could put a hand grenade in my mouth and pull the pin and I wouldn't feel it. I've lost the sight in one eye and the world sounds like it is made of rushing water. My clothes are covered with chili which slid unnoticed at some point. Good, at autopsy they'll know what killed me. Go Sally, save yourself before it's too late. Tell our children I'm sorry I was not there to conceive them. I've decided to stop breathing, it's too painful and I'm not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air I'll just let it in through the hole in my stomach. Call the X-Files people and tell them I've found a super nova on my tongue.
EDITOR'S NOTE: Oops, Corbett forgot, but Cameron demanded the following blurb be attached to his chili copy: Copyright 1997 W. Bruce Cameron-- Please do not remove the copyright from this essay.
That's right, it's the time of year when the Ol' Columnist's thoughts turn to UFOs, Ogopogo and even Sasquatch.
So letting my fingers do the walking, I lifted the lid on the National UFO Reporting Center and found this July 14th story about some young lady in Scarborough, Ontario -- a suburb just east of Toronto.
"Star gazing and enjoying the cool breeze from the lake this evening, I was on my patio with my dog getting some fresh air. I saw something move across the sky above me, from east to west just over my head. Blinked my eyes to have a better look. When I refocused I saw an unusual object/objects. It was hard to determine if just one object or more then one because of the glow of lights on it/them.
"I can't give you a size because I"m not sure if it was more then one object or just one. There were three lights, in the shape of a triangle/chevron two bottom lights then one top ligh ... .in the direction of travel. The shape didn't appear to be all straight lines, it appeared shadowed in and curved a little on the inside like a chevron. It was a fuzzy outline and it's overcast tonight so I really couldn't make out if this was one object or not.
"The lights were not blinking like aircraft lights do, just illuminated, it wasn't a search light, spotlight or other regular type lighting, there was NO engine/motor sound, no propeller sound, no NOTHING! At first while I was watching it seemed to be moving at a fast pace like a streak above me which caught my eye ... I thought at first it was a shooting star. This craft/crafts, then slowed down almost to a crawl but still moving (slower then the speed you would see a satellite move in the night sky). Then it stopped but not abruptly, very gently and went the left (south towards the lake) then back to where it started from in the same line (east to west), then to the right (north) It came back to the original spot and began again traveling westward, towards the downtown or main core of Toronto.
"As I watched it, I noticed the speed was not consistent, very erratic like fast then slow but never jerky, very smooth but odd speeds. The speed seemed to move steadily after it did that little left right (north south) thing and began it's way west again. Eventually it was out of my sight.
"I remained outside for a while looking again and I know I will go back out again and look more. There was a small engine aircraft and a jet around the same time and area, one traveling east, the other south west (towards Toronto Island Airport). I've seen something almost identical to this with my father, in this same yard on this same patio and at the same time of year ... roughly 22 years ago. I was just a young girl then. THE ONLY difference, it was traveling from west to east and a bit lower in the sky. At that time there were (3) of them. I remember they were glowing and as I recall they looked, perhaps, with a green glow but not a dark or deep green rather a pale green, soft green.
"As for the other things, the chevron-shaped crafts .. .they look like the formation of how birds fly in a V but upside down ....the point is the direction it travels."
'Ms. Scarborough' continued describing her experience, but I wanted to focus on another unexplained phenomenon and that's Ogopogo.
On June 2nd, the headline in this newspaper read: Ogopogo searcher part of a strange breed. In it, Arlene Gaal explained her study of a strange animal that lives in Lake Okanagan in great detail. She also was certainly convincing in a well-searched Internet article which answered the question: Do you believe there is an Ogopogo?
"There is no doubt in my mind that there is an unidentified animal living in Lake Okanagan, whose name is Ogopogo. The Indians call it N'ha-a-itk. And it goes back three centuries in the Okanagan Valley."
When I read Tuesday's edition of the Kelowna Courier, a story by J.P. Squire got my attention for Arlene Gaal is liberally quoted and talking about a National Geographic TV special on Monday, Aug. 1 concerning a creature in the lake. I certainly will be tuning in, for it just might answer the ageless question: Is Ogie for real?
And then there's Sasquatch, also known as Bigfoot and Yeti or Abominable Snowman.
However, we'll save those stories of the hairy creature for another day.
NOW THAT'S HOT: Sometimes I run across some gems. One that caught my eye was written by author, speaker, syndicated columnist and remodeled man, W. Bruce Cameron, in relating his time as a judge at a 1997 chili cook-off:
He described something called Susan's Screaming Sensation Chili this way: JUDGE ONE: A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned peppers. JUDGE TWO: Ho, Hum, tastes as if the chef threw in canned chili peppers at the last moment. I should note that I am a bit worried about Judge Number 3, he appears to be in a bit of distress. CAMERON: You could put a hand grenade in my mouth and pull the pin and I wouldn't feel it. I've lost the sight in one eye and the world sounds like it is made of rushing water. My clothes are covered with chili which slid unnoticed at some point. Good, at autopsy they'll know what killed me. Go Sally, save yourself before it's too late. Tell our children I'm sorry I was not there to conceive them. I've decided to stop breathing, it's too painful and I'm not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air I'll just let it in through the hole in my stomach. Call the X-Files people and tell them I've found a super nova on my tongue.
EDITOR'S NOTE: Oops, Corbett forgot, but Cameron demanded the following blurb be attached to his chili copy: Copyright 1997 W. Bruce Cameron-- Please do not remove the copyright from this essay.
A false alarm -- this time
The alarm bells sounded across the Pacific. Another major earthquake had hit near the Andaman and Nicobar Islands that lie between India and Thailand late Sunday. There was even panic in Indonesia's Aceh province and also reports, according to AP news sources, that at least one coastal village in Sri Lanka had escaped to a Buddhist temple on higher ground.
Would this be another BIG ONE such as the combined earthquake and tsunami that had killed at least 200,000 unsuspecting people in the same areas of Indonesia, Sri Lanka, southern India, Thailand, and the Maldives back on December 26, 2004?
Fortunately, this 7.2 quake, without an accompanying tsunami, didn't wipe out masses of people this time, however, there's speculation it was just a precursor to another major disaster.
One Canadian, who was well aware of the alarm bells, was Dr. Dirk van der Meer, the 38-year-old Armstrong dentist, who had spent three weeks in May as part of the BC/FORT (British Columbia Forensic Odontology Research Team), which was sponsored by Foreign Affairs Canada.
"Are you going back?" I asked, point blank.
"No," was his answer and then he explained that Foreign Affairs Canada was discontinuing sending a dental forensic team as of August 31, but he went on to say international dental, DNA and fingerprint experts would still be needed
While there was a concerned tone in Dr. van der Meer's voice, he said he planned to lecture alongside of Dr. David Hodges in Prince George, B.C. in September and the dental forensic team, which he's a part of, would be represented at a conference to be held in Seattle in February, 2006.
As Dr. van der Meer explained in a mid-June column, he and Dr. Glenn Keryluk of Coquitlam, B.C. were called in to identify some of the tsunami victims by comparing data in the computer and also "spending time in the morgue, doing some final releases."
When I asked him at that time if he would consider returning to Thailand, Dr. van der Meer answered: "I'd go back in a minute if they asked me. It was quite an experience. I won't say I enjoyed it because that would be inappropriate, but I certainly valued the experience ... if not life changing, at least it was attitude changing, that's for sure."
While Dr. van der Meer still might be called if there's another devastating quake, I was curious as to what Canada has done, or will do, in regards to assistance.
On January 10, 2005, Prime Minister Paul Martin announced that Canada had agreed to a comprehensive package of up to $425 million spread over the next five years -- $265 million for humanitarian and rehabiliation assistance and $160 million for ongoing reconstruction assistance from 2005-09 to the affected region.
PM Martin was quoted. at the time, as saying: "Canada is among the most generous international donors to respond to this disaster with humanitarian and early recovery assistance ... Canada will ensure this contribution is effective and lasting."
In January, 16 organizations were eligible for matching funds. They included: Adventist Development and Relief Agency (ADRA Canada), Canadian Food for Hungry International, Canadian Lutheran World Relief, Canadian Red Cross, CARE Canada, Development and Peace, Doctors Without Borders, FOCUS Humanitarian Assistance Canada, Mennonite Central Committee Canada, Oxfam Canada, Oxfam Quebec, Salvation Army, Save the Children, UNICEF Canada, World Vision Canada and World University Service of Canada.
Of course, people always have doubts as to where the funds went and to answer those questions, the Government of Canada issued an update six months after the massive disaster.
This, in part, is what the update said: With support from Canada and other donors, UNICEF, the International Federation of the Red Cross (IFRC), and the International Committee of the Red Cross (ICRC) have together provided assistance to more than 2 million people in the affected areas. In addition, UNICEF has provided 1.1 million children in affected countries with oral hydration salts. In Indonesia, Sri Lanka, and other affected countries, IFRC has provided 840,000 people with assistance, including shelter, health care, water and sanitation, and counseling. In Indonesia, ICRC has performed 700 surgeries, treated more than 10,000 outpatients. provided 290,000 people with relief supplies, and cleaned 545 wells.
So Canada's chest should swell for a change. This nation has disbursed more than one-third of its funds ($159 million) and CIDA is funding 12 relief and early rehabilitation projects totaling $89.6 million, etc., etc.
While the millions of dollars can often boggle the Ol' Columnist's brain; let me just say, I'm proud to be Canadian. We can be a generous bunch of unequalled magnitude in a crisis.
NEXT: The second in a three-part series on 'Earth, Wind and Fire'!
YOGI SEZ (Gems from Yogi Berra, Hall of Famer and catcher for the New York Yankees): "You got to be careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there" ... "You give 100% in the first half of the game, and if that isn't enough, in the second half you give what's left."
Would this be another BIG ONE such as the combined earthquake and tsunami that had killed at least 200,000 unsuspecting people in the same areas of Indonesia, Sri Lanka, southern India, Thailand, and the Maldives back on December 26, 2004?
Fortunately, this 7.2 quake, without an accompanying tsunami, didn't wipe out masses of people this time, however, there's speculation it was just a precursor to another major disaster.
One Canadian, who was well aware of the alarm bells, was Dr. Dirk van der Meer, the 38-year-old Armstrong dentist, who had spent three weeks in May as part of the BC/FORT (British Columbia Forensic Odontology Research Team), which was sponsored by Foreign Affairs Canada.
"Are you going back?" I asked, point blank.
"No," was his answer and then he explained that Foreign Affairs Canada was discontinuing sending a dental forensic team as of August 31, but he went on to say international dental, DNA and fingerprint experts would still be needed
While there was a concerned tone in Dr. van der Meer's voice, he said he planned to lecture alongside of Dr. David Hodges in Prince George, B.C. in September and the dental forensic team, which he's a part of, would be represented at a conference to be held in Seattle in February, 2006.
As Dr. van der Meer explained in a mid-June column, he and Dr. Glenn Keryluk of Coquitlam, B.C. were called in to identify some of the tsunami victims by comparing data in the computer and also "spending time in the morgue, doing some final releases."
When I asked him at that time if he would consider returning to Thailand, Dr. van der Meer answered: "I'd go back in a minute if they asked me. It was quite an experience. I won't say I enjoyed it because that would be inappropriate, but I certainly valued the experience ... if not life changing, at least it was attitude changing, that's for sure."
While Dr. van der Meer still might be called if there's another devastating quake, I was curious as to what Canada has done, or will do, in regards to assistance.
On January 10, 2005, Prime Minister Paul Martin announced that Canada had agreed to a comprehensive package of up to $425 million spread over the next five years -- $265 million for humanitarian and rehabiliation assistance and $160 million for ongoing reconstruction assistance from 2005-09 to the affected region.
PM Martin was quoted. at the time, as saying: "Canada is among the most generous international donors to respond to this disaster with humanitarian and early recovery assistance ... Canada will ensure this contribution is effective and lasting."
In January, 16 organizations were eligible for matching funds. They included: Adventist Development and Relief Agency (ADRA Canada), Canadian Food for Hungry International, Canadian Lutheran World Relief, Canadian Red Cross, CARE Canada, Development and Peace, Doctors Without Borders, FOCUS Humanitarian Assistance Canada, Mennonite Central Committee Canada, Oxfam Canada, Oxfam Quebec, Salvation Army, Save the Children, UNICEF Canada, World Vision Canada and World University Service of Canada.
Of course, people always have doubts as to where the funds went and to answer those questions, the Government of Canada issued an update six months after the massive disaster.
This, in part, is what the update said: With support from Canada and other donors, UNICEF, the International Federation of the Red Cross (IFRC), and the International Committee of the Red Cross (ICRC) have together provided assistance to more than 2 million people in the affected areas. In addition, UNICEF has provided 1.1 million children in affected countries with oral hydration salts. In Indonesia, Sri Lanka, and other affected countries, IFRC has provided 840,000 people with assistance, including shelter, health care, water and sanitation, and counseling. In Indonesia, ICRC has performed 700 surgeries, treated more than 10,000 outpatients. provided 290,000 people with relief supplies, and cleaned 545 wells.
So Canada's chest should swell for a change. This nation has disbursed more than one-third of its funds ($159 million) and CIDA is funding 12 relief and early rehabilitation projects totaling $89.6 million, etc., etc.
While the millions of dollars can often boggle the Ol' Columnist's brain; let me just say, I'm proud to be Canadian. We can be a generous bunch of unequalled magnitude in a crisis.
NEXT: The second in a three-part series on 'Earth, Wind and Fire'!
YOGI SEZ (Gems from Yogi Berra, Hall of Famer and catcher for the New York Yankees): "You got to be careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there" ... "You give 100% in the first half of the game, and if that isn't enough, in the second half you give what's left."
Watch out for flying hooves
So there I was Boss, about to be trampled by the thundering hooves (or is it hoofs?) on Saturday night. There were Aaron, Aladdin, Buck, Clarissa, Drum, Khalydyn, Little Beaver, Rhythm, Rio and Sierra charging past me, and close enough to kick dirt in this ol' would-be cowboy's face.
Yes, indeedy-do, but as I always said, the open range is my life, to paraphrase Ol' Jim Taylor.
In case you are wondering if I've flipped out, I have for something called, 'The I.O.U. Land,' now playing (except Monday night) at Caravan Farm Theatre, out near Armstrong, until August 21.
In the program, it reads it's part fairytale, horse opera, part honkytonk comedy and based on Wagner's Ring Cycle.
"Okay, who's this Wagner guy? Wasn't he once married to Natalie Wood?" I had to ask.
"No, no, it's pronounced Vaaagnar. Richard Vaaaagner," The Opera Lady replied, looking down her long nose.
"So what's this Ring stuff?" I butted in.
"Well, you dummy, let me tell you it's comprised of four operas -- Das Reingold, Die Walkure, Siegfried, and Gotterdammerung that tell one long and exceptionally intricate story, which was based on Scandinavian and German sagas. Act One of the I.O.U. Land is based on Die Walkure, and Act Two is based on Siegfried."
Since I'm not about to tell you the entire plot, let me tell you that the Estelle Shook-directed 'I.O.U. Land' is a must-see for mid-summer watching.
In the cast are Kerriann Cardinal (Wynona Wolf), Ryan Cunningham (Billy Wolf/Billy Junior), Darren Hynes (Victor Snow/Big Mack), Michelle Latimer (Anna Bonita Snow/Chickadee), Donald Morin (Sam Wolf/Vagabond) and Courtenay Stevens (Junkyard Jimmy).
MOONLIGHTING ATHLETES: Since music is my life, here are some hits and misses: Shaquille O'Neal from the Miami Heat has put out five rap albums. It's a best bet, he'll be remembered for his basketball skills. Wayman Tisdale, the NBA power forward, who toiled on the courts for a dozen years, rates as a hit in the R&B and jazz field. Mike Reid, the one-time Cincinnati Bengals lineman, is another hit. Iin fact he earned a Grammy for writing 'Stranger in My House,' which Ronnie Milsap turned into a monster hit back in 1983. And what about pitcher Bronson Arroyo in the musical field? Well, BA, better stick to keeping my Boston Red Sox in the American League hunt.
ARSENIC AND THE KING: You might have read this elsewhere, but the madness of England's King George III might have been caused by arsenic. According to a Lancet medical research paper, Ol' George had five very public bouts of madness that caused his death -- blind, deaf and insane in January 1820. He ruled for nearly 60 years and now a team of scientists from Britain and Australia have found high concentrations of arsenic in his hair and it came from the antimony-based medicine he was given, sometimes by force.
HAIR TODAY, GONE TOMORROW: Once this Ol' Man had plenty of locks, but somehow my hair vanished and there's a small, shiny bald spot underneath the baseball cap. However, bald men in German have a serious problem. It seems that they can't get any government help in paying for the hair "rug." In a news story, a German court threw out a legal challenge by a bald 46-year-old man for a $530 toupee and added the state was not discriminating against men even though health insurance covers the cost of wigs for women. The court ruled, "In contrast to women, the involuntary loss of hair among men is common and accepted as nothing out of the ordinary."
FABULOUS FLOP (From Uncle John's Bathroom Reader): Studebaker Dictator -- Not exactly "the heartbeat of America" when it was introduced in 1934. According to one auto industry analyst, "after Hitler and Mussolini came to power, a name like Dictator was downright un-American." Yet, incredibly, the nation's #5 automaker stuck with it for three years.
SIDNEY'S THE NAME, HOCKEY IS HIS NAME: With the Pittsburgh Penguins about to hail Sidney Crosby as the second coming of Mario Lemieux, perhaps, you'd like to know about The Kid: Born August 7, 1987 to Troy and Trina Crosby; one sister, Taylor; the family currently resides in Cole Harbour, N.S. At age 2 1/2 he would play in the basement of their home, which his father had painted white and added red and blue lines. At age 3, Sidney started skating on ice. At age 7 he gave his first newspaper interview and was already on the radar of the sports press. At age 14 he was featured on the CBC's show Hockey Day in Canada. By skipping ahead, Wayne Gretzky told the Arizona Republic, in answer to a question if a player may some day break some of his records: "Yes, Sidney Crosby. He's the best player I've seen since Mario (Lemieux)." And what's more Ol' Sidney has arrived on the Net. He's at www.crosby87.com/ ... Check it out.
FINALLY: The Dodgers' original name was the Bridegrooms. Reason: Lots of newlyweds on the team.
Yes, indeedy-do, but as I always said, the open range is my life, to paraphrase Ol' Jim Taylor.
In case you are wondering if I've flipped out, I have for something called, 'The I.O.U. Land,' now playing (except Monday night) at Caravan Farm Theatre, out near Armstrong, until August 21.
In the program, it reads it's part fairytale, horse opera, part honkytonk comedy and based on Wagner's Ring Cycle.
"Okay, who's this Wagner guy? Wasn't he once married to Natalie Wood?" I had to ask.
"No, no, it's pronounced Vaaagnar. Richard Vaaaagner," The Opera Lady replied, looking down her long nose.
"So what's this Ring stuff?" I butted in.
"Well, you dummy, let me tell you it's comprised of four operas -- Das Reingold, Die Walkure, Siegfried, and Gotterdammerung that tell one long and exceptionally intricate story, which was based on Scandinavian and German sagas. Act One of the I.O.U. Land is based on Die Walkure, and Act Two is based on Siegfried."
Since I'm not about to tell you the entire plot, let me tell you that the Estelle Shook-directed 'I.O.U. Land' is a must-see for mid-summer watching.
In the cast are Kerriann Cardinal (Wynona Wolf), Ryan Cunningham (Billy Wolf/Billy Junior), Darren Hynes (Victor Snow/Big Mack), Michelle Latimer (Anna Bonita Snow/Chickadee), Donald Morin (Sam Wolf/Vagabond) and Courtenay Stevens (Junkyard Jimmy).
MOONLIGHTING ATHLETES: Since music is my life, here are some hits and misses: Shaquille O'Neal from the Miami Heat has put out five rap albums. It's a best bet, he'll be remembered for his basketball skills. Wayman Tisdale, the NBA power forward, who toiled on the courts for a dozen years, rates as a hit in the R&B and jazz field. Mike Reid, the one-time Cincinnati Bengals lineman, is another hit. Iin fact he earned a Grammy for writing 'Stranger in My House,' which Ronnie Milsap turned into a monster hit back in 1983. And what about pitcher Bronson Arroyo in the musical field? Well, BA, better stick to keeping my Boston Red Sox in the American League hunt.
ARSENIC AND THE KING: You might have read this elsewhere, but the madness of England's King George III might have been caused by arsenic. According to a Lancet medical research paper, Ol' George had five very public bouts of madness that caused his death -- blind, deaf and insane in January 1820. He ruled for nearly 60 years and now a team of scientists from Britain and Australia have found high concentrations of arsenic in his hair and it came from the antimony-based medicine he was given, sometimes by force.
HAIR TODAY, GONE TOMORROW: Once this Ol' Man had plenty of locks, but somehow my hair vanished and there's a small, shiny bald spot underneath the baseball cap. However, bald men in German have a serious problem. It seems that they can't get any government help in paying for the hair "rug." In a news story, a German court threw out a legal challenge by a bald 46-year-old man for a $530 toupee and added the state was not discriminating against men even though health insurance covers the cost of wigs for women. The court ruled, "In contrast to women, the involuntary loss of hair among men is common and accepted as nothing out of the ordinary."
FABULOUS FLOP (From Uncle John's Bathroom Reader): Studebaker Dictator -- Not exactly "the heartbeat of America" when it was introduced in 1934. According to one auto industry analyst, "after Hitler and Mussolini came to power, a name like Dictator was downright un-American." Yet, incredibly, the nation's #5 automaker stuck with it for three years.
SIDNEY'S THE NAME, HOCKEY IS HIS NAME: With the Pittsburgh Penguins about to hail Sidney Crosby as the second coming of Mario Lemieux, perhaps, you'd like to know about The Kid: Born August 7, 1987 to Troy and Trina Crosby; one sister, Taylor; the family currently resides in Cole Harbour, N.S. At age 2 1/2 he would play in the basement of their home, which his father had painted white and added red and blue lines. At age 3, Sidney started skating on ice. At age 7 he gave his first newspaper interview and was already on the radar of the sports press. At age 14 he was featured on the CBC's show Hockey Day in Canada. By skipping ahead, Wayne Gretzky told the Arizona Republic, in answer to a question if a player may some day break some of his records: "Yes, Sidney Crosby. He's the best player I've seen since Mario (Lemieux)." And what's more Ol' Sidney has arrived on the Net. He's at www.crosby87.com/ ... Check it out.
FINALLY: The Dodgers' original name was the Bridegrooms. Reason: Lots of newlyweds on the team.
Better than paint-by-numbers
Doris Sims (Thompson) could be the female equivalent of Rembrandt in depicting wildlife with originals and lithographs. And what's more she lives about three miles from the Ol' Homestead where I have been known to be a serious paint-by-numbers 'artist.'
For years, I had often passed by her place on Salmon River Road, always muttering to myself, "Someday, I am going down that dirt road and just see who D. Sims (Thompson) really is and what her wildlife art studio is really like." Well, I finally did.
However, if I thought D. Sims was going to be an arrogant and eccentric artist, then I was completely taken aback.
After I introduced myself, a very modest Doris escorted me into her 'gallery' of magnificent paintings that range from ducks to bears to timber wolves, with price tags in the reasonable neighborhood of $400-$500 and sometimes a tad more.
For some time, I pondered over her books of art, and then it was time to leave this artistic sanctuary.
A hour or so later, however, she drove to the Ol' Homestead with her bio.
This is some of what I found out about this brilliant painter:
Doris Sims was born in 1944 in Grande Prairie, Alberta and at an early age she developed an attachment to animals and as a result, dragged home every stray she could lay her hands on. Sometime during her teenage years, Doris moved to Red Deer and spent as much time as possible on her uncle's farm near Pine Lake. This increased her affection and deepened her admiration for animals. She spent many hours in the presence of farm animals and observing wildlife.
Doris painted and sold a few paintings in her early 20s, but a husband and a home took precedence over her art work. The power of the canvas and the urge to paint her beloved subjects was, in the latter years of 1980, too great and she finally conceded to pursue a career as a wildlife painter.
In a short time her work was purchased by oil field companies, private, and corporate collectors. Her art has graced the covers of magazines (Alberta Fish and Wildlife) and many illustrations accompanied the written word in various publications. He art also was and continues to be featured on Christmas cards. Her work has also appeared in shows and exhibitions throughout Alberta. In 1990, "Golden Pond -- Mallards" was selected by Ducks Unlimited and Alberta Government Fish and Wildlife to appear on Alberta's second bird game stamp. In 1992 the Rocky Mountain Elk Foundation-Canada made her their Regal Artist of the Year (1993) for "Spirits of Nature."
In the summer of 1993, Doris and her husband, Roger Thompson, moved to the Salmon Arm district of B.C. and in May 1994 her painting of a Snow Leopard and kittens won third place in an art competition held yearly through "Ducks Unlimited" for all of B.C.
While Doris should glory in her artistic achievements, she showed her modest side with these words: "My greatest goal is to keep learning, keep improving and, hopefully, people get as much satisfaction from my paintings as I get doing them."
She readily admit there has been a down time in her work in the last few years, but she said there have been strong incentives to continue her work.
Then she added these words: "It takes years to become a good artist and I am just beginning. I am both pleased and surprised it went this far as fast. Now I would like to get a lot more into wildlife photographing as well and, of course, ducks. Keep improving with art work and help with the preservation of wildlife when I can."
Doris Sims (Thompson) can be reached at 250-379-2706
.
IT'S SHOWTIME: In one of the most rustic settings in B.C., 'The I.O.U. Land' is playing at the Caravan Farm Theatre in the Armstrong area (check out www.caravanfarmtheatre.com. for details) every night at 7:30 p.m. except Mondays until August 21. It's a new play with music by Linz Kenyon and based on Richard Wagner's Ring Cycle. So what's the jest of it, pardner? Well, rodeo champion Sam Wolf loses his land in a game of poker ... His lawyer son Billy is supposed to win it back ... Like a chuckwagon wreck at the Calgary Stampede, everything goes wrong. Hey, there's more on the billboard: Star-crossed lovers on the run, murder, betrayal, wild riding cowgirls, enchanted poker games, the Custer longknife, a ring of fire and a sleep of 20 years. I'm going to check it out on Saturday nightl. If you want tickets, call (250) 546-8533 or toll free at 1-866-546-8533.
THAT'LL COST YOU: Did you know that Classic Collectibles (www.classicauctions.net/) holds the record for top prices obtained for a game worn jersey (1973 Bobby Orr -- $135,000 USD), for a Stanley Cup ring (1961 Bobby Hull -- $85,000 USD), for a game used hockey stick (1971 Jean Beliveau -- $17,500 USD) and for a Stanley Cup trophy (1957 Jean Beliveau -- $42,000 USD)?
For years, I had often passed by her place on Salmon River Road, always muttering to myself, "Someday, I am going down that dirt road and just see who D. Sims (Thompson) really is and what her wildlife art studio is really like." Well, I finally did.
However, if I thought D. Sims was going to be an arrogant and eccentric artist, then I was completely taken aback.
After I introduced myself, a very modest Doris escorted me into her 'gallery' of magnificent paintings that range from ducks to bears to timber wolves, with price tags in the reasonable neighborhood of $400-$500 and sometimes a tad more.
For some time, I pondered over her books of art, and then it was time to leave this artistic sanctuary.
A hour or so later, however, she drove to the Ol' Homestead with her bio.
This is some of what I found out about this brilliant painter:
Doris Sims was born in 1944 in Grande Prairie, Alberta and at an early age she developed an attachment to animals and as a result, dragged home every stray she could lay her hands on. Sometime during her teenage years, Doris moved to Red Deer and spent as much time as possible on her uncle's farm near Pine Lake. This increased her affection and deepened her admiration for animals. She spent many hours in the presence of farm animals and observing wildlife.
Doris painted and sold a few paintings in her early 20s, but a husband and a home took precedence over her art work. The power of the canvas and the urge to paint her beloved subjects was, in the latter years of 1980, too great and she finally conceded to pursue a career as a wildlife painter.
In a short time her work was purchased by oil field companies, private, and corporate collectors. Her art has graced the covers of magazines (Alberta Fish and Wildlife) and many illustrations accompanied the written word in various publications. He art also was and continues to be featured on Christmas cards. Her work has also appeared in shows and exhibitions throughout Alberta. In 1990, "Golden Pond -- Mallards" was selected by Ducks Unlimited and Alberta Government Fish and Wildlife to appear on Alberta's second bird game stamp. In 1992 the Rocky Mountain Elk Foundation-Canada made her their Regal Artist of the Year (1993) for "Spirits of Nature."
In the summer of 1993, Doris and her husband, Roger Thompson, moved to the Salmon Arm district of B.C. and in May 1994 her painting of a Snow Leopard and kittens won third place in an art competition held yearly through "Ducks Unlimited" for all of B.C.
While Doris should glory in her artistic achievements, she showed her modest side with these words: "My greatest goal is to keep learning, keep improving and, hopefully, people get as much satisfaction from my paintings as I get doing them."
She readily admit there has been a down time in her work in the last few years, but she said there have been strong incentives to continue her work.
Then she added these words: "It takes years to become a good artist and I am just beginning. I am both pleased and surprised it went this far as fast. Now I would like to get a lot more into wildlife photographing as well and, of course, ducks. Keep improving with art work and help with the preservation of wildlife when I can."
Doris Sims (Thompson) can be reached at 250-379-2706
.
IT'S SHOWTIME: In one of the most rustic settings in B.C., 'The I.O.U. Land' is playing at the Caravan Farm Theatre in the Armstrong area (check out www.caravanfarmtheatre.com. for details) every night at 7:30 p.m. except Mondays until August 21. It's a new play with music by Linz Kenyon and based on Richard Wagner's Ring Cycle. So what's the jest of it, pardner? Well, rodeo champion Sam Wolf loses his land in a game of poker ... His lawyer son Billy is supposed to win it back ... Like a chuckwagon wreck at the Calgary Stampede, everything goes wrong. Hey, there's more on the billboard: Star-crossed lovers on the run, murder, betrayal, wild riding cowgirls, enchanted poker games, the Custer longknife, a ring of fire and a sleep of 20 years. I'm going to check it out on Saturday nightl. If you want tickets, call (250) 546-8533 or toll free at 1-866-546-8533.
THAT'LL COST YOU: Did you know that Classic Collectibles (www.classicauctions.net/) holds the record for top prices obtained for a game worn jersey (1973 Bobby Orr -- $135,000 USD), for a Stanley Cup ring (1961 Bobby Hull -- $85,000 USD), for a game used hockey stick (1971 Jean Beliveau -- $17,500 USD) and for a Stanley Cup trophy (1957 Jean Beliveau -- $42,000 USD)?
Researching the 'garbage'
The Melville Flash was fuming. She had discovered my stack of research materials.
"So, you call this research, this is garbage," The Missus said in her most dictatorial tone. Quickly, I tried to hide the latest copies of the 'National Enquirer' and the 'Globe' from her sight lines.
"But, I was just trying to dig out a column for THE paper," I muttered.
"Sure, you were," she retorted, with a slight sneer. And then she followed it up with "So, Big Boy, what did you learn from these sordid tabloids?"
"Well, Martha's going to wed some tycoon after dropping a whole bunch of pounds," I said.
"Hey, let me see that."
The Missus was hooked. I had mentioned those magical words about someone losing weight.
Maybe, I can get out of this mess, I thought, as I quickly turned to Page 26 of the 'Globe'.
"See," I said, "just look at this headline, 'Domestic diva sheds 75 pounds to bag billionaire Mr. Right.'"
"How'd she do that?"
"Well, it says right here that a chef from one of New York's upper-crust restaurants put the 63-year-old household queen on a delicious but effective diet."
The Missus wanted me to read on. So I did.
"Martha had ballooned to almost 225 pounds, and when she landed in jail she decided to get her weight under control for good. By dieting and doing yoga, she's lost weight. And now she's ready for a slinky wedding gown and a new life with Charles."
"So, who is this Charles guy?"
"That's Charles Simonyi, the billionaire computer genius," I said, smugly, as if I travelled in those circles.
Since I knew any talk of losing weight would get her interest, I started thumbing through the National Enquirer and boom! there on Page 66 the headline bellowed: 'Stomach surgery saved my life and helped me go from size 78 to 18.'
"I don't think I should read this story," I said.
"And, why not?" came the reply.
"Well, this woman ... her name is Debra Joines ... underwent gastric bypass surgery. It seems ol' Deb used to weigh 619 pounds and after a 16-hour operation in a New Orleans hospital, she woke up with a new stomach, held together with 450 stitches and staples, and now weighs 223 pounds."
"Maybe, you should have the operation," The Missus said, in her most endearing voice.
"Maybe, I should."
"Well, what else is there in that rag?" she asked.
"Look at this. There's a new Graceland report that claims that Elvis' body is gone."
"Really," she said.
"That's right, there's some yahoo from Missouri who spent 2,500 of his own smackeroos to run DNA tests on tissue samples taken before and after Elvis' death and they don't match."
Of course, The Missus didn't want to hear my Elvis story for the 387th time.
But you haven't heard it, have you?
Well, a long time ago, it had to be in the 1970s, when Elvis was a part-owner or backer of the Memphis Southmen of the World Football League, a gang of us from Toronto found our way to Memphis for a game in the Liberty Bowl where we had a chance to visit with some friends such as former Toronto Argonauts head coach Leo Cahill and quarterback extraordinaire Dick Thornton.
Following the game, there was an invitation to show up at a Memphis mansion and we were assured Elvis would be there.
As the Toronto gang exited the Liberty Bowl, I looked toward the stadium elevators and saw the top of Elvis' head and then he was gone.
Incidentally, Elvis never did show up at the mansion.
And now you know my Elvis' story.
"So, what else is in the Enquirer?" The Missus asked.
"Well, here's one just for you, Sweets."
I began reading a story entitled: How to banish age spots.
"It says right here there's a lot you can do to banish those ugly brown blotches on your skin."
"So that story was just for me?" seethed The Missus.
And now you know why I slept in the spare bedroom the other night.
FINALLY FROM UNCLE JOHN'S BATHROOM READER: Covering a yawn -- People once thought that their souls -- or perhaps even their life forces -- could escape during a yawn. They covered their mouths to prevent this and, since yawns can be contagious, to try to keep people around them from "catching" the yawn. The apology after a yawn originated as an expression of regret for having exposed people to mortal danger.
"So, you call this research, this is garbage," The Missus said in her most dictatorial tone. Quickly, I tried to hide the latest copies of the 'National Enquirer' and the 'Globe' from her sight lines.
"But, I was just trying to dig out a column for THE paper," I muttered.
"Sure, you were," she retorted, with a slight sneer. And then she followed it up with "So, Big Boy, what did you learn from these sordid tabloids?"
"Well, Martha's going to wed some tycoon after dropping a whole bunch of pounds," I said.
"Hey, let me see that."
The Missus was hooked. I had mentioned those magical words about someone losing weight.
Maybe, I can get out of this mess, I thought, as I quickly turned to Page 26 of the 'Globe'.
"See," I said, "just look at this headline, 'Domestic diva sheds 75 pounds to bag billionaire Mr. Right.'"
"How'd she do that?"
"Well, it says right here that a chef from one of New York's upper-crust restaurants put the 63-year-old household queen on a delicious but effective diet."
The Missus wanted me to read on. So I did.
"Martha had ballooned to almost 225 pounds, and when she landed in jail she decided to get her weight under control for good. By dieting and doing yoga, she's lost weight. And now she's ready for a slinky wedding gown and a new life with Charles."
"So, who is this Charles guy?"
"That's Charles Simonyi, the billionaire computer genius," I said, smugly, as if I travelled in those circles.
Since I knew any talk of losing weight would get her interest, I started thumbing through the National Enquirer and boom! there on Page 66 the headline bellowed: 'Stomach surgery saved my life and helped me go from size 78 to 18.'
"I don't think I should read this story," I said.
"And, why not?" came the reply.
"Well, this woman ... her name is Debra Joines ... underwent gastric bypass surgery. It seems ol' Deb used to weigh 619 pounds and after a 16-hour operation in a New Orleans hospital, she woke up with a new stomach, held together with 450 stitches and staples, and now weighs 223 pounds."
"Maybe, you should have the operation," The Missus said, in her most endearing voice.
"Maybe, I should."
"Well, what else is there in that rag?" she asked.
"Look at this. There's a new Graceland report that claims that Elvis' body is gone."
"Really," she said.
"That's right, there's some yahoo from Missouri who spent 2,500 of his own smackeroos to run DNA tests on tissue samples taken before and after Elvis' death and they don't match."
Of course, The Missus didn't want to hear my Elvis story for the 387th time.
But you haven't heard it, have you?
Well, a long time ago, it had to be in the 1970s, when Elvis was a part-owner or backer of the Memphis Southmen of the World Football League, a gang of us from Toronto found our way to Memphis for a game in the Liberty Bowl where we had a chance to visit with some friends such as former Toronto Argonauts head coach Leo Cahill and quarterback extraordinaire Dick Thornton.
Following the game, there was an invitation to show up at a Memphis mansion and we were assured Elvis would be there.
As the Toronto gang exited the Liberty Bowl, I looked toward the stadium elevators and saw the top of Elvis' head and then he was gone.
Incidentally, Elvis never did show up at the mansion.
And now you know my Elvis' story.
"So, what else is in the Enquirer?" The Missus asked.
"Well, here's one just for you, Sweets."
I began reading a story entitled: How to banish age spots.
"It says right here there's a lot you can do to banish those ugly brown blotches on your skin."
"So that story was just for me?" seethed The Missus.
And now you know why I slept in the spare bedroom the other night.
FINALLY FROM UNCLE JOHN'S BATHROOM READER: Covering a yawn -- People once thought that their souls -- or perhaps even their life forces -- could escape during a yawn. They covered their mouths to prevent this and, since yawns can be contagious, to try to keep people around them from "catching" the yawn. The apology after a yawn originated as an expression of regret for having exposed people to mortal danger.
Get ready for some heat
With Hurricane Emily slashing her fury on places such as Cancun, the thoughts turn to something few of us can do little about -- the weather.
However, one thing that has changed since the Ol' Columnist was a young 'un, and that's the accuracy of the forecasts. Someone in your family, I'm sure, always had a comment about the "predictions." "They never get it right," mumbled Grandpa as snowflurries battered the window panes instead of rain drops. Then he always followed it up with "See, I told you, they always get it wrong."
However, such is not the case anymore.
In fact, the weather has become one of the most popular subject on both sides of the border and even on the Internet, it's the hottest subject of the day. If you're interested, and I know you are, then go to either www.theweathernetwork.com/ or www.weather.com/ and check what's in store.
Yesterday, with the sun beating down on the Ol' Homestead, I decided to scurry around the www.theweathernetwork.com/ site and checked in with meteorologist Lloyd Butler, to find out what we can expect in British Columbia and beyond.
The following are Butler's words: "After a cool start to the summer, western and southern sections of British Columbia can expect above average temperatures for the rest of the season thanks to warm waters in the Gulf of Alaska, which are also helping to keep large portions of Nunavut and Yukon warmer than usual ... As the summer continues, the southern coast of British Columbia should also see the weather dry out. Overall though, precipitation totals are expected to be near normal. Elsewhere, in the province, some areas can expect to end the summer with higher than normal precipitation as a result of the rain received during the month of June. Meantime, residents of the southern interior will look back on the summer of 2005 as a dry one overall."
So, Weatherman Lloyd seems to believe Vernon and area is in for a hot, dry spell.
Let's hope, it's not close to what has happened in Ontario and western Quebec. The coroner's office in Toronto, according to a CBC News indepth story on heat waves, identified three heat-related deaths so far.
The story went on to say that June 2005 was "also a bad month for heat-related deaths in other parts of the world. In Italy, heat killed at least 18 people. In Pakistan, India and Bangladesh, officials say more than 500 people died from it in May and June."
As some of you know, the Ol' Columnist once lived and toiled in the Toronto area and that's one place I wouldn't want to return to -- at least not just right now.
Canada's biggest city has been going through the throes of a sizzling summer. In the past, the average -- including daytime and nightime temperatures -- was 17.9 Celsius for June. However, last month, it zoomed to 22.5C. Since I haven't been able to figure Celsius and Fahrenheit, all I know is this Ol' Coot would rather go to somewhere where it's cooler and away from those kind of temperatures.
Environment Canada meteorologist Peter Kimbell had these words: "We've smashed the normal temperature by almost five degrees. It's a significant record. The previous record was 21.7 C in 1949."
In the same CBC story, Kimbell warned that June's hot weather may extend throughout the summer. "We are forecasting the temperature to be above average for June, July and August. But you have to take that with a grain of salt because of our record. Three-month forecasts are very difficult to do," he said, in the report.
While the Okanagan groaned about steamy weather yesterday, Toronto and the Windsor area suffered through another extreme heat alert. In fact, it was the eighth straight day that T.O. boiled in Hades-like temperatures, hitting in the 33 C range.
Ouch! Ouch!
So what does the forecast mean for other parts of Canada? According to the CBC News report, there's more rain in store for the already drenched Prairies, who have suffered 50 per cent more than usual this year. For Ontario, the heat wave is expected to slowly fade and rain will become the norm except in southwestern Ontario, where it will continue to be dry. Quebec, where serious fires are now burning, will get cooler and in the Maritimes, it has been cool, but in the next few days it's expected to warm up.
And what about the Okanagan? Well, Bunky, get ready for some heat.
As for me, I'll have the air conditioner on full blast.
TIME TO COOL DOWN: From Uncle John's Bathroom Reader comes the story of popsicles. It seems 11-year-old Frank Epperson accidentally left a mixture of powdered soda mix and water on his back porch one winter night in 1905. The next morning, he found the stuff frozen, with the stirring stick standing straight up in the jar. He pulled it out, and had the first "Epperson icicle" -- or "Epsicle." He later named it "Popsicle," since he'd made it with soda pop. It was patented in 1923, 18 years later.
However, one thing that has changed since the Ol' Columnist was a young 'un, and that's the accuracy of the forecasts. Someone in your family, I'm sure, always had a comment about the "predictions." "They never get it right," mumbled Grandpa as snowflurries battered the window panes instead of rain drops. Then he always followed it up with "See, I told you, they always get it wrong."
However, such is not the case anymore.
In fact, the weather has become one of the most popular subject on both sides of the border and even on the Internet, it's the hottest subject of the day. If you're interested, and I know you are, then go to either www.theweathernetwork.com/ or www.weather.com/ and check what's in store.
Yesterday, with the sun beating down on the Ol' Homestead, I decided to scurry around the www.theweathernetwork.com/ site and checked in with meteorologist Lloyd Butler, to find out what we can expect in British Columbia and beyond.
The following are Butler's words: "After a cool start to the summer, western and southern sections of British Columbia can expect above average temperatures for the rest of the season thanks to warm waters in the Gulf of Alaska, which are also helping to keep large portions of Nunavut and Yukon warmer than usual ... As the summer continues, the southern coast of British Columbia should also see the weather dry out. Overall though, precipitation totals are expected to be near normal. Elsewhere, in the province, some areas can expect to end the summer with higher than normal precipitation as a result of the rain received during the month of June. Meantime, residents of the southern interior will look back on the summer of 2005 as a dry one overall."
So, Weatherman Lloyd seems to believe Vernon and area is in for a hot, dry spell.
Let's hope, it's not close to what has happened in Ontario and western Quebec. The coroner's office in Toronto, according to a CBC News indepth story on heat waves, identified three heat-related deaths so far.
The story went on to say that June 2005 was "also a bad month for heat-related deaths in other parts of the world. In Italy, heat killed at least 18 people. In Pakistan, India and Bangladesh, officials say more than 500 people died from it in May and June."
As some of you know, the Ol' Columnist once lived and toiled in the Toronto area and that's one place I wouldn't want to return to -- at least not just right now.
Canada's biggest city has been going through the throes of a sizzling summer. In the past, the average -- including daytime and nightime temperatures -- was 17.9 Celsius for June. However, last month, it zoomed to 22.5C. Since I haven't been able to figure Celsius and Fahrenheit, all I know is this Ol' Coot would rather go to somewhere where it's cooler and away from those kind of temperatures.
Environment Canada meteorologist Peter Kimbell had these words: "We've smashed the normal temperature by almost five degrees. It's a significant record. The previous record was 21.7 C in 1949."
In the same CBC story, Kimbell warned that June's hot weather may extend throughout the summer. "We are forecasting the temperature to be above average for June, July and August. But you have to take that with a grain of salt because of our record. Three-month forecasts are very difficult to do," he said, in the report.
While the Okanagan groaned about steamy weather yesterday, Toronto and the Windsor area suffered through another extreme heat alert. In fact, it was the eighth straight day that T.O. boiled in Hades-like temperatures, hitting in the 33 C range.
Ouch! Ouch!
So what does the forecast mean for other parts of Canada? According to the CBC News report, there's more rain in store for the already drenched Prairies, who have suffered 50 per cent more than usual this year. For Ontario, the heat wave is expected to slowly fade and rain will become the norm except in southwestern Ontario, where it will continue to be dry. Quebec, where serious fires are now burning, will get cooler and in the Maritimes, it has been cool, but in the next few days it's expected to warm up.
And what about the Okanagan? Well, Bunky, get ready for some heat.
As for me, I'll have the air conditioner on full blast.
TIME TO COOL DOWN: From Uncle John's Bathroom Reader comes the story of popsicles. It seems 11-year-old Frank Epperson accidentally left a mixture of powdered soda mix and water on his back porch one winter night in 1905. The next morning, he found the stuff frozen, with the stirring stick standing straight up in the jar. He pulled it out, and had the first "Epperson icicle" -- or "Epsicle." He later named it "Popsicle," since he'd made it with soda pop. It was patented in 1923, 18 years later.
Those 'roids of ruin
When Victor Conte, James Valente and Greg Anderson were given just slaps on the hands Friday in a San Francisco courtroom for distributing anabolic steroids to elite athletes, all the Ol' Columnist could think about was Lyle Alzado, who once lived in RowdyLand and died at the age of 43 from brain cancer.
As I related in my book, 'Counterfeit Hero -- The 'Roids of Ruin' (to be re-released in September 2005), Alzado blamed anabolic steroids, those high-yield, high-risk junk bonds for the biceps, for his illness.
In the San Jose Mercury, sportswriter Mark Purdy once wrote that "no one had more fun being rowdy than Alzado. He grew up rowdy in Brooklyn. He played rowdy football at Yankton College in South Dakota. He played rowdier football in the NFL. Alzado created a character that was almost theatrical in nature. He ripped off the helmets of opponents, then laughed to reporters about it afterward, bulging out his eyes and growling."
Alzado plied his trade at a high level, but when he died in 1992, he was literally a frail, old man with a bandanna on his nearly hairless head.
"I had my mind set and I did what I wanted to do," Alzado said about his steroid abuse. "So many people tried to take me out of what I was doing, and I wouldn't listen."
He was diagnosed with a rare form of brain lymphoma in April 1991 -- less than a year after his ill-fated comeback with the Los Angeles Raiders.
Even after he stopped playing in RowdyLand, Alzado, who claimed he spent $20,000 to $30,000 on "gas," continued taking them.
Forest Tennant, the NFL's drug adviser from 1986 to 1990, has said steroids can cause two kinds of cancer: those in the sex organs, such as prostate cancer and those in the immune system, such as lymphoma, leukemia and Hodgkin's Disease.
The Lyle Alzado National Steroid Education Program, part of the non-profit Athletes and Entertainers for Kids organization, was developed to educate young people about the damaging and life-threatening effects of anabolic steroids and human growth hormones.
Alzado had his own "Doctor Feel-Good" in Dr. John David Perzik and RowdyLand Lyle was one of his best customers. In February 1991, the California-based medic pleaded guilty in federal court in San Jose to one count of conspiring to illegally distribute a prescribed drug, which put him behind bars at a minimum-security prison at Lompac, California.
Cops confirmed Perzik belonged to a multi-dollar steroid ring that included another Alzado supplier, Steve Coons, a Santa Clara trainer accused of being one of the largest illegal distributor of steroids. By September 1992, Perzik agreed to help the feds prosecute Coons.
Even while Perzik was in jail, he continued illegally prescribing steroids. "He really didn't miss a beat," said California state prosecutor Russell W. Lee. "He kept on going."
Perzik cleared more than $210,000 in profits from the illegal sale of steroids in 1990, acording to documents from the California Board of Medical Quality.
While Alzado's demise was stunning, probably the most dramatic testimony about anabolic steroids came from the mouth of one of the world's most well-known athletes -- professional wrestler Hulk Hogan (aka Terry Bollea) on Thursday, July 14, 1994. Hogan was called to the witness stand during the trial of promoter Vince McMahon on charges of conspiracy and distribution of anabolic steroids to WWF wrestlers.
Although McMahon was eventually cleared of wrongdoing, Hogan's testimony was a blow to the solar plexus.
When asked about specific steroids he had taken, Bollea admitted they included dianabol, anavar, winstrol, testosterone, and decadurabolin, with "deca" his obvious drug of choice.
Bollea claimed that during his second stint with the WWF, 1983-1984, steroid use was quite common, with the figure between 75 and 80 per cent and ringside physician, Dr. George Zahorian, was identified as the medic who could supply wrestlers with everything from steroids to sleeping pills to Valium.
When McMahon and others in his company were cleared of wrongdoing, other sports seemed to have taken it as a green light until Conte, who founded BALCO -- Bay Area Laboratory Co-Operative -- along with BALCO vice president James Valente and Greg Anderson, Barry Bonds' longtime friend and personal trainer, stood before U.S. District Judge Susan Illston on Friday.
Federal prosecutors had charged Conte with illegally distributing performance-enhancing drugs through his firm, BALCO, to more than 30 baseball, football and track and field stars, according to the San Francisco Chronicle. Conte faced a maximum of 25 years in prison.
What did they get under a plea bargain?
Conte pleaded guilty to one count of conspiracy to distribute anabolic steroids and one count of money laundering. He faces four months in prison; Valente pleaded guilty to one count of conspiring to distribute steroids. He is expected to be sentenced to probation; and Anderson pleaded guilty to charges of conspiring to distribute steroids and money laundering. He is likely to spend no more than six months in prison, according to the Chronicle. A fourth man, track coach Remi Korchemny, delayed accepting any plea agreement.
And what about such elite athletes as Barry Bonds, Jason Giambi and Marion Jones, who have been implicated in the international sports doping scandal? It appears they will "walk."
As I related in my book, 'Counterfeit Hero -- The 'Roids of Ruin' (to be re-released in September 2005), Alzado blamed anabolic steroids, those high-yield, high-risk junk bonds for the biceps, for his illness.
In the San Jose Mercury, sportswriter Mark Purdy once wrote that "no one had more fun being rowdy than Alzado. He grew up rowdy in Brooklyn. He played rowdy football at Yankton College in South Dakota. He played rowdier football in the NFL. Alzado created a character that was almost theatrical in nature. He ripped off the helmets of opponents, then laughed to reporters about it afterward, bulging out his eyes and growling."
Alzado plied his trade at a high level, but when he died in 1992, he was literally a frail, old man with a bandanna on his nearly hairless head.
"I had my mind set and I did what I wanted to do," Alzado said about his steroid abuse. "So many people tried to take me out of what I was doing, and I wouldn't listen."
He was diagnosed with a rare form of brain lymphoma in April 1991 -- less than a year after his ill-fated comeback with the Los Angeles Raiders.
Even after he stopped playing in RowdyLand, Alzado, who claimed he spent $20,000 to $30,000 on "gas," continued taking them.
Forest Tennant, the NFL's drug adviser from 1986 to 1990, has said steroids can cause two kinds of cancer: those in the sex organs, such as prostate cancer and those in the immune system, such as lymphoma, leukemia and Hodgkin's Disease.
The Lyle Alzado National Steroid Education Program, part of the non-profit Athletes and Entertainers for Kids organization, was developed to educate young people about the damaging and life-threatening effects of anabolic steroids and human growth hormones.
Alzado had his own "Doctor Feel-Good" in Dr. John David Perzik and RowdyLand Lyle was one of his best customers. In February 1991, the California-based medic pleaded guilty in federal court in San Jose to one count of conspiring to illegally distribute a prescribed drug, which put him behind bars at a minimum-security prison at Lompac, California.
Cops confirmed Perzik belonged to a multi-dollar steroid ring that included another Alzado supplier, Steve Coons, a Santa Clara trainer accused of being one of the largest illegal distributor of steroids. By September 1992, Perzik agreed to help the feds prosecute Coons.
Even while Perzik was in jail, he continued illegally prescribing steroids. "He really didn't miss a beat," said California state prosecutor Russell W. Lee. "He kept on going."
Perzik cleared more than $210,000 in profits from the illegal sale of steroids in 1990, acording to documents from the California Board of Medical Quality.
While Alzado's demise was stunning, probably the most dramatic testimony about anabolic steroids came from the mouth of one of the world's most well-known athletes -- professional wrestler Hulk Hogan (aka Terry Bollea) on Thursday, July 14, 1994. Hogan was called to the witness stand during the trial of promoter Vince McMahon on charges of conspiracy and distribution of anabolic steroids to WWF wrestlers.
Although McMahon was eventually cleared of wrongdoing, Hogan's testimony was a blow to the solar plexus.
When asked about specific steroids he had taken, Bollea admitted they included dianabol, anavar, winstrol, testosterone, and decadurabolin, with "deca" his obvious drug of choice.
Bollea claimed that during his second stint with the WWF, 1983-1984, steroid use was quite common, with the figure between 75 and 80 per cent and ringside physician, Dr. George Zahorian, was identified as the medic who could supply wrestlers with everything from steroids to sleeping pills to Valium.
When McMahon and others in his company were cleared of wrongdoing, other sports seemed to have taken it as a green light until Conte, who founded BALCO -- Bay Area Laboratory Co-Operative -- along with BALCO vice president James Valente and Greg Anderson, Barry Bonds' longtime friend and personal trainer, stood before U.S. District Judge Susan Illston on Friday.
Federal prosecutors had charged Conte with illegally distributing performance-enhancing drugs through his firm, BALCO, to more than 30 baseball, football and track and field stars, according to the San Francisco Chronicle. Conte faced a maximum of 25 years in prison.
What did they get under a plea bargain?
Conte pleaded guilty to one count of conspiracy to distribute anabolic steroids and one count of money laundering. He faces four months in prison; Valente pleaded guilty to one count of conspiring to distribute steroids. He is expected to be sentenced to probation; and Anderson pleaded guilty to charges of conspiring to distribute steroids and money laundering. He is likely to spend no more than six months in prison, according to the Chronicle. A fourth man, track coach Remi Korchemny, delayed accepting any plea agreement.
And what about such elite athletes as Barry Bonds, Jason Giambi and Marion Jones, who have been implicated in the international sports doping scandal? It appears they will "walk."
Nights of whine and neuroses ends
As you know, hockey is my life to steal a line from my scribbling hero, Jim Taylor.
Perhaps, the Ol' Columnist exaggerates just a tad, but I once showed up as a tall, stringy goaltender for the powerhouse St. Catharines Teepees when Stan Mikita and Bobby Hull were setting junior A records. Of course, coach Rudy Pilous wasn't impressed as I donned No. 73 when the designated numbers for goalies in that era were 1 and 1A.
So what happened in the interim?
Well, 'The Sieve' discarded the goalie pads for a writing pad and had a chance to interview the likes of Gordie Howe, Henri Richard, Bernie Geoffrion, Bill Mosienko and Rocket Richard. That was when the six-team league was flourishing in Boston, Chicago, New York, Toronto, Montreal and Detroit.
Then the NHL began adding teams until today there are 30. So name them, Mr. Sieve.
Well, let's see there's Anaheim, Atlanta, Boston, Buffalo, Calgary, Carolina, Chicago, Colorado, Columbus, Dallas, Detroit, Edmonton, Florida, Los Angeles, Minnesota, Montreal, Nashville, New Jersey, New York Islanders, New York Rangers, Ottawa, Philadelphia, Phoenix, Pittsburgh, San Jose, St. Louis, Tampa Bay, Toronto, Vancouver and Washington. Whew!
See I told you I could do it. Of course, it doesn't hurt to have a sheet with all the names on it.
Since I have been as confused as you about the reasons the 2004-05 season was wiped out, I decided to consult the swamis of the trade. So step right up to the plate, Mr. Experts, and explain all the ramifications:
DON CHERRY: No doubt who won this contest ... the owners. The players' association got a home run in 1994 and they tried to hit a home run now and they should have settled for a double or a single because there was no way they were going to beat the owners this time. They underestimated the owners' resolve and they pay the price now and they pay a big price ... It was Armageddon as far as I am concerned, but I believe it will make the league and the franchises stronger. We had to have Armageddon to get them. Teams like Edmonton and Calgary are going to be all the stronger ... After a year, I got so much to say I can hardly wait to hear myself.
IAN AUSTIN, Vancouver Province: Bring it on! Hockey fans throughout the Lower Mainland rejoiced over news the Canucks are finally going to hit the ice again. Even though the NHL season is months away, the mood was enthusiastic at Burnaby 8-Rinks after a tentative deal was announced by the league and its players. "It's great news for the fans, and all the local businesses around GM Place," said Wah Gee, a 37-year-old Vancouver teacher who plays hockey two or three times a week. Gee figures all sides in the 301-day lockout -- the longest stoppage in North American sports history -- should own up to the pain they've caused.
TERRY JONES, Edmonton Sun: Funny how fast the focus goes back to the hometown hockey team.The deal is done. The players lose. The owners win. And Marilyn Bell just swam Lake Ontario. The big news, by the time it became news, was not really news. Today you want to know the one thing you've always wanted to know as you've waited for this day to arrive: Are the Edmonton Oilers going to be able to get a prime-time, star-quality, first-line centre, a puck-rushing defenceman and a goaltender? Instantly on DD-Day, that became the topic ... The new $39-million US salary cap doesn't mean the Oilers are going to have a $39-million budget. They're not. They're going to have the same $33-million cap they had when we last watched hockey here.
STEVE SIMMONS, Toronto Sun: On the day the hockey lockout came to a merciful ending, after 300 nights of whine and neuroses, there were unknowing smiles almost everywhere. And no one seemed to know exactly why. Having been slaughtered in the most damaging fight in hockey history, having been sold out by their own union representatives on just about every issue they were instructed to believe in, players spoke bravely yesterday about rebuilding the game. What else could they say after such a stunning defeat? They talked about a new game and new rules and a new beginning and this sudden tentative partnership between players and owners. They did so with brave faces and their usual stirring lack of information. Not only did they lose a season's salary in the process but they must now relinquish 24% of their contracted money for the year that is to come: A new starting point for players, a new starting line for the back-in-business National Hockey League. In simple terms, commissioner Gary Bettman negotiated by holding his breath, but in the end it was the players who turned blue. They fought against a salary cap and lost.
As for the Ol' Columnist, I can hardly wait until the Vernon Vipers get back on the ice.
Now, that's real hockey.
Perhaps, the Ol' Columnist exaggerates just a tad, but I once showed up as a tall, stringy goaltender for the powerhouse St. Catharines Teepees when Stan Mikita and Bobby Hull were setting junior A records. Of course, coach Rudy Pilous wasn't impressed as I donned No. 73 when the designated numbers for goalies in that era were 1 and 1A.
So what happened in the interim?
Well, 'The Sieve' discarded the goalie pads for a writing pad and had a chance to interview the likes of Gordie Howe, Henri Richard, Bernie Geoffrion, Bill Mosienko and Rocket Richard. That was when the six-team league was flourishing in Boston, Chicago, New York, Toronto, Montreal and Detroit.
Then the NHL began adding teams until today there are 30. So name them, Mr. Sieve.
Well, let's see there's Anaheim, Atlanta, Boston, Buffalo, Calgary, Carolina, Chicago, Colorado, Columbus, Dallas, Detroit, Edmonton, Florida, Los Angeles, Minnesota, Montreal, Nashville, New Jersey, New York Islanders, New York Rangers, Ottawa, Philadelphia, Phoenix, Pittsburgh, San Jose, St. Louis, Tampa Bay, Toronto, Vancouver and Washington. Whew!
See I told you I could do it. Of course, it doesn't hurt to have a sheet with all the names on it.
Since I have been as confused as you about the reasons the 2004-05 season was wiped out, I decided to consult the swamis of the trade. So step right up to the plate, Mr. Experts, and explain all the ramifications:
DON CHERRY: No doubt who won this contest ... the owners. The players' association got a home run in 1994 and they tried to hit a home run now and they should have settled for a double or a single because there was no way they were going to beat the owners this time. They underestimated the owners' resolve and they pay the price now and they pay a big price ... It was Armageddon as far as I am concerned, but I believe it will make the league and the franchises stronger. We had to have Armageddon to get them. Teams like Edmonton and Calgary are going to be all the stronger ... After a year, I got so much to say I can hardly wait to hear myself.
IAN AUSTIN, Vancouver Province: Bring it on! Hockey fans throughout the Lower Mainland rejoiced over news the Canucks are finally going to hit the ice again. Even though the NHL season is months away, the mood was enthusiastic at Burnaby 8-Rinks after a tentative deal was announced by the league and its players. "It's great news for the fans, and all the local businesses around GM Place," said Wah Gee, a 37-year-old Vancouver teacher who plays hockey two or three times a week. Gee figures all sides in the 301-day lockout -- the longest stoppage in North American sports history -- should own up to the pain they've caused.
TERRY JONES, Edmonton Sun: Funny how fast the focus goes back to the hometown hockey team.The deal is done. The players lose. The owners win. And Marilyn Bell just swam Lake Ontario. The big news, by the time it became news, was not really news. Today you want to know the one thing you've always wanted to know as you've waited for this day to arrive: Are the Edmonton Oilers going to be able to get a prime-time, star-quality, first-line centre, a puck-rushing defenceman and a goaltender? Instantly on DD-Day, that became the topic ... The new $39-million US salary cap doesn't mean the Oilers are going to have a $39-million budget. They're not. They're going to have the same $33-million cap they had when we last watched hockey here.
STEVE SIMMONS, Toronto Sun: On the day the hockey lockout came to a merciful ending, after 300 nights of whine and neuroses, there were unknowing smiles almost everywhere. And no one seemed to know exactly why. Having been slaughtered in the most damaging fight in hockey history, having been sold out by their own union representatives on just about every issue they were instructed to believe in, players spoke bravely yesterday about rebuilding the game. What else could they say after such a stunning defeat? They talked about a new game and new rules and a new beginning and this sudden tentative partnership between players and owners. They did so with brave faces and their usual stirring lack of information. Not only did they lose a season's salary in the process but they must now relinquish 24% of their contracted money for the year that is to come: A new starting point for players, a new starting line for the back-in-business National Hockey League. In simple terms, commissioner Gary Bettman negotiated by holding his breath, but in the end it was the players who turned blue. They fought against a salary cap and lost.
As for the Ol' Columnist, I can hardly wait until the Vernon Vipers get back on the ice.
Now, that's real hockey.
Now, don't you feel better?
Sometimes, when the Ol' Columnist feels his age -- at least 39 -- and gets depressed from the avalanche of politicians falling from grace and rumours of wars throughout this sad-sack planet, he goes searching for "feel-good" stories and, believe it or not, Bunky, he sometimes finds them.
Yesterday, I phoned "bubbly" 70-year-old Audrey Johnson.
The last time we talked was during the provincial election campaign, and while at the election headquarters, a lady approached me and said: "Do you know who I am?"
Hesistantly, I stuttered, "Of course, you're, you're ...!"
The lively woman, with a wide smile, said, matter-of-factly, "See, I knew you didn't know who I am."
Then, before I could put both feet in my mouth, she said: "I'm Audrey Johnson."
"You're Audrey Johnson?" I said, now trying to remove at least one Size 11 boot.
"What happened?" I muttered.
The last time I had seen her, she looked like death warmed over.
Audrey Johnson had operated the Whispering Pines Restaurant, near the Ol' Homestead, on an intermittent basis. I would often exchange greetings with the frail individual and then, suddenly, she vanished and I heard that she had found a place to live (or die) in Vernon.
That was a couple of years ago.
After a cancer operation, in which her bowel and colon were removed, Audrey had faded to 82 pounds of skin and bones. There seemed to be little hope.
In fact, as she related yesterday, she couldn't even keep water down and "I was literally dying."
Then came the discovery that throughout the years, she had been suffering from Celiac Disease.
In the January 2005 issue of Reader's Digest, the disease's symptoms include abdominal cramping and bloating, gas, diarrhea or constipation, unexplained anemia and mysterious weight loss or gain. Sufferers may also feel joint pain, fatigue or depression and some develop a substantial rash.
The article stated that at least 6,000 Canadians had been diagnosed with it and the disease can be triggered by pregnancy, severe stress, surgery or viral infection.
But what shocked the Ol' Columnist was that something called protein gluten contained in grains such as wheat, oats, barley and rye were the culprits and in medical terminology, when certain people, according to the Reader's Digest, eat the grains, the hairlike projections in the small intestines called villi -- which absorb nutrients from food -- shrink or disappear, leaving them unable to digest properly. The article went on to say, "Celiac disease can lead to osteoporosis, iron-deficiency anemia and serious vitamin deficiencies."
So now Audrey Johnson is on a protein gluten-free diet, meaning no wheat products, and after being 82 pounds in March 2003, she gained 40 pounds on her new "diet" by September of that year and now has leveled off at about 117 pounds.
As for her present-day health, she said, "I feel wonderful."
The "new" Audrey Johnson is a volunteer and also prepares food at the O'Keefe Ranch restaurant.
AUTHOR! AUTHOR!: Another "feel-good" story which caught may attention yesterday involved children's book author Irene Morck, who has moved to the Paxton Valley area, near Falkland, along with her, husband, Mogens Nielsen, as well as a bevy of mules.
The author of such works as Tough Trails, Old Bird, Apples and Angel Ladders: A Collection of Pioneer Christmas Stories, Five Pennies, A Prairie Boy's Story, Tiger's New Cowboy Boots as well as numerous magazine articles and stories, has settled down in her new abode, but she didn't want to talk so much about her books yesterday, but about the mules.
Now that was a subject which didn't tweak my interest, but she went right ahead and told me of their busy schedule, including the Battle of the Breeds in Alberta.
Born in Saint John, New Brunswick, Irene has lived in Manitoba, Saskatchewan, Alberta and the Caribbean as her profile says, and has a B.Sc. (Honours in Biochemistry) from the University of Alberta, her teaching certificate from the University of Calgary, taught science at boys' schools in Barbados and Jamaica and did two years of biochemisty research at the University of the West Indies.
Before moving to B.C., Irene and Mogens lived on a farm near Spruce View, Alberta, where they raised hay and grain. It was there she was involved in substitute teaching and freelance photography and, of course, trail riding their mules in the mountains.
And I had to ask.
Yesterday, I phoned "bubbly" 70-year-old Audrey Johnson.
The last time we talked was during the provincial election campaign, and while at the election headquarters, a lady approached me and said: "Do you know who I am?"
Hesistantly, I stuttered, "Of course, you're, you're ...!"
The lively woman, with a wide smile, said, matter-of-factly, "See, I knew you didn't know who I am."
Then, before I could put both feet in my mouth, she said: "I'm Audrey Johnson."
"You're Audrey Johnson?" I said, now trying to remove at least one Size 11 boot.
"What happened?" I muttered.
The last time I had seen her, she looked like death warmed over.
Audrey Johnson had operated the Whispering Pines Restaurant, near the Ol' Homestead, on an intermittent basis. I would often exchange greetings with the frail individual and then, suddenly, she vanished and I heard that she had found a place to live (or die) in Vernon.
That was a couple of years ago.
After a cancer operation, in which her bowel and colon were removed, Audrey had faded to 82 pounds of skin and bones. There seemed to be little hope.
In fact, as she related yesterday, she couldn't even keep water down and "I was literally dying."
Then came the discovery that throughout the years, she had been suffering from Celiac Disease.
In the January 2005 issue of Reader's Digest, the disease's symptoms include abdominal cramping and bloating, gas, diarrhea or constipation, unexplained anemia and mysterious weight loss or gain. Sufferers may also feel joint pain, fatigue or depression and some develop a substantial rash.
The article stated that at least 6,000 Canadians had been diagnosed with it and the disease can be triggered by pregnancy, severe stress, surgery or viral infection.
But what shocked the Ol' Columnist was that something called protein gluten contained in grains such as wheat, oats, barley and rye were the culprits and in medical terminology, when certain people, according to the Reader's Digest, eat the grains, the hairlike projections in the small intestines called villi -- which absorb nutrients from food -- shrink or disappear, leaving them unable to digest properly. The article went on to say, "Celiac disease can lead to osteoporosis, iron-deficiency anemia and serious vitamin deficiencies."
So now Audrey Johnson is on a protein gluten-free diet, meaning no wheat products, and after being 82 pounds in March 2003, she gained 40 pounds on her new "diet" by September of that year and now has leveled off at about 117 pounds.
As for her present-day health, she said, "I feel wonderful."
The "new" Audrey Johnson is a volunteer and also prepares food at the O'Keefe Ranch restaurant.
AUTHOR! AUTHOR!: Another "feel-good" story which caught may attention yesterday involved children's book author Irene Morck, who has moved to the Paxton Valley area, near Falkland, along with her, husband, Mogens Nielsen, as well as a bevy of mules.
The author of such works as Tough Trails, Old Bird, Apples and Angel Ladders: A Collection of Pioneer Christmas Stories, Five Pennies, A Prairie Boy's Story, Tiger's New Cowboy Boots as well as numerous magazine articles and stories, has settled down in her new abode, but she didn't want to talk so much about her books yesterday, but about the mules.
Now that was a subject which didn't tweak my interest, but she went right ahead and told me of their busy schedule, including the Battle of the Breeds in Alberta.
Born in Saint John, New Brunswick, Irene has lived in Manitoba, Saskatchewan, Alberta and the Caribbean as her profile says, and has a B.Sc. (Honours in Biochemistry) from the University of Alberta, her teaching certificate from the University of Calgary, taught science at boys' schools in Barbados and Jamaica and did two years of biochemisty research at the University of the West Indies.
Before moving to B.C., Irene and Mogens lived on a farm near Spruce View, Alberta, where they raised hay and grain. It was there she was involved in substitute teaching and freelance photography and, of course, trail riding their mules in the mountains.
And I had to ask.
Da Vinci Code backlash
The headline screamed: 1.7 million Canadians believe Da Vinci Code.
It certainly caught my attention as I read and re-read the Ottawa Citizen article by Paul Gessell. It stated that a Decima Research survey concluded that nearly two million Canadians, who read Dan Brown's mega-selling book, The Da Vinci Code, ended the novel convinced that Jesus Christ fathered a line of descendants on Earth.
However, a small group of Catholics and Lutherans of the Wisconsin Synod, who created AboutBibleProphecy.com in mid-February, 2001, have taken a stand against such assumptions.
On their website, they make nine statements, in clarifying their stand against the novel:
1. Fiction: Mary Magdale was married to Jesus.
This claim is the backbone of Brown's novel: The Da Vinci Code claims that Jesus and Mary Magdalene were married, that they had children, and that their descendants included a line of kings in France, as well as some of the main characters in Brown's novel. Despite Brown's claims, however, there are no historical documents that claim Jesus was married -- not even the "Gnostic gospels" that Brown mentions in the novel.
2. Fiction. The Gnostic gospels and the Dead Sea Scrolls are "the earliest Christian records."
The Da Vinci Code claims that the New Testament is a forgery and that the Gnostic gospels and the Dead Sea Scrolls are the original Christian texts. This claim, however, is flatly contradicted by an overwhelming amount of scholarship by Christians and non-Christians. Many scholars believe that the New Testament was written during the first century and that the Gnostic texts were written no sooner than the second century. And, the Dead Sea Scrolls don't contain any gospels of any kind. In fact, the Dead Sea Scrolls do not contain any Christian writings at all.
3. Fiction: Christianity stole its ideas and concepts from paganism.
The Da Vinci Code, on page 232, claims: "Nothing in Christianity is original. The pre-Christian god Mithras -- called the Son of God and the Light of the World -- was born on December 25, died, was buried in a rock tomb, and then resurrected in three days. By the way, December 25 was also the birthday of Osiris, Adonis, and Dionysus. The newborn Krishna was presented with gold, frankincense, and myrrh." This sequence of claims has puzzled many critics of Brown's book as their possible origin, if indeed they have an origin outside of the author's imagination.
4. Fiction: The sacred name for God has a paganistic origin.
The Da Vinci Code, on page 309, claims: "The Jewish Teragrammaton YHWH -- the sacred name of God -- in fact derived from Jehovah, an androgynous physical union between the masculine Jah and the pre-Hebraic name for Eve, Havah." This is perhaps one of the most embarrassing errors within Dan Brown's The Da Vinci Code. The word Jehovah isn't the name for God. In fact, that word doesn't appear in the Bible in either the Hebrew text of the Old Testament or in the Greek text of the New Testament. The word Jehovah is a made-up English word.
5. Fiction: The Vatican killed an "astounding 5 million women" during the witch hunts.
This is important to Brown's The Da Vinci Code, because in order for the novel's storyline to work, the Catholic Church must be portrayed as an evil, oppressive institution that hates, oppresses and feels threatened by women. But, despite Brown's claims that there were 5 million women burned to death by the Vatican, the fact is many scholars, including those who are not Christian, say that the witch hunts were generally done by local governments and individuals. Many scholarly sources estimate that the number of people killed by the witch hunts is between 20,000 to 100,000. And, some sources estimate that 20 to 25 per cent of the victims were men.
6. Fiction: Emperor Constantine shaped the New Testament.
This is essential to the plot in The Da Vinci Code because it requires that the reader can believe that Constantine replaced the Gnostic writings with what we now call the New Testament. But, Constantine could not have had a hand in shaping the New Testament for two reasons: He wasn't born soon enough and he didn't live long enough.
7. Fiction: The Vatican demonized pagan worship.
The Da Vinci Code, page 37: "As part of the Vatican's campaign to eradicate pagan religions and convert the masses to Christianity, the church launched a smear campaign against the pagan gods and godesses, recasting their divine symbols as evil ... Venus' pentacle became the sign of the devil." Many people might now realize this, but there is a great deal of historical evidence that shows that pagans tried to eradicate Christianity and that pagans copied Christian symbols and ceremonies in the hopes of surviving the spread of Christianity, especially during the first three centuries after the time of Jesus.
8. Fiction: Constantine and the Vatican demonized Mary Magdalene and sought to degrade women as part of a "power grab."
These claims are important to Dan Brown's storyline. The historical evidence, however, strongly contradicts Brown's claim. Mary Magdalene is held in special regard by the Catholic Church, in part because she was the first person to witness the resurrection of Jesus Christ.
9. Fiction: "Christianity's weekly holy day was stolen from the pagans."
Da Vinci Code, pages 232-233" "Christianity's weekly holy day was stolen from the pagans. Christianity honored the Jewish Sabbath of Saturday, but Constantine shifted it to coincide with the pagan's veneration day of the sun." Actually, long before Constantine was born, there were Christian writings that made it clear than there was a Sabbath, which corresponds to Saturday, and a "Lord's Day," which corresponds to Sunday.
It certainly caught my attention as I read and re-read the Ottawa Citizen article by Paul Gessell. It stated that a Decima Research survey concluded that nearly two million Canadians, who read Dan Brown's mega-selling book, The Da Vinci Code, ended the novel convinced that Jesus Christ fathered a line of descendants on Earth.
However, a small group of Catholics and Lutherans of the Wisconsin Synod, who created AboutBibleProphecy.com in mid-February, 2001, have taken a stand against such assumptions.
On their website, they make nine statements, in clarifying their stand against the novel:
1. Fiction: Mary Magdale was married to Jesus.
This claim is the backbone of Brown's novel: The Da Vinci Code claims that Jesus and Mary Magdalene were married, that they had children, and that their descendants included a line of kings in France, as well as some of the main characters in Brown's novel. Despite Brown's claims, however, there are no historical documents that claim Jesus was married -- not even the "Gnostic gospels" that Brown mentions in the novel.
2. Fiction. The Gnostic gospels and the Dead Sea Scrolls are "the earliest Christian records."
The Da Vinci Code claims that the New Testament is a forgery and that the Gnostic gospels and the Dead Sea Scrolls are the original Christian texts. This claim, however, is flatly contradicted by an overwhelming amount of scholarship by Christians and non-Christians. Many scholars believe that the New Testament was written during the first century and that the Gnostic texts were written no sooner than the second century. And, the Dead Sea Scrolls don't contain any gospels of any kind. In fact, the Dead Sea Scrolls do not contain any Christian writings at all.
3. Fiction: Christianity stole its ideas and concepts from paganism.
The Da Vinci Code, on page 232, claims: "Nothing in Christianity is original. The pre-Christian god Mithras -- called the Son of God and the Light of the World -- was born on December 25, died, was buried in a rock tomb, and then resurrected in three days. By the way, December 25 was also the birthday of Osiris, Adonis, and Dionysus. The newborn Krishna was presented with gold, frankincense, and myrrh." This sequence of claims has puzzled many critics of Brown's book as their possible origin, if indeed they have an origin outside of the author's imagination.
4. Fiction: The sacred name for God has a paganistic origin.
The Da Vinci Code, on page 309, claims: "The Jewish Teragrammaton YHWH -- the sacred name of God -- in fact derived from Jehovah, an androgynous physical union between the masculine Jah and the pre-Hebraic name for Eve, Havah." This is perhaps one of the most embarrassing errors within Dan Brown's The Da Vinci Code. The word Jehovah isn't the name for God. In fact, that word doesn't appear in the Bible in either the Hebrew text of the Old Testament or in the Greek text of the New Testament. The word Jehovah is a made-up English word.
5. Fiction: The Vatican killed an "astounding 5 million women" during the witch hunts.
This is important to Brown's The Da Vinci Code, because in order for the novel's storyline to work, the Catholic Church must be portrayed as an evil, oppressive institution that hates, oppresses and feels threatened by women. But, despite Brown's claims that there were 5 million women burned to death by the Vatican, the fact is many scholars, including those who are not Christian, say that the witch hunts were generally done by local governments and individuals. Many scholarly sources estimate that the number of people killed by the witch hunts is between 20,000 to 100,000. And, some sources estimate that 20 to 25 per cent of the victims were men.
6. Fiction: Emperor Constantine shaped the New Testament.
This is essential to the plot in The Da Vinci Code because it requires that the reader can believe that Constantine replaced the Gnostic writings with what we now call the New Testament. But, Constantine could not have had a hand in shaping the New Testament for two reasons: He wasn't born soon enough and he didn't live long enough.
7. Fiction: The Vatican demonized pagan worship.
The Da Vinci Code, page 37: "As part of the Vatican's campaign to eradicate pagan religions and convert the masses to Christianity, the church launched a smear campaign against the pagan gods and godesses, recasting their divine symbols as evil ... Venus' pentacle became the sign of the devil." Many people might now realize this, but there is a great deal of historical evidence that shows that pagans tried to eradicate Christianity and that pagans copied Christian symbols and ceremonies in the hopes of surviving the spread of Christianity, especially during the first three centuries after the time of Jesus.
8. Fiction: Constantine and the Vatican demonized Mary Magdalene and sought to degrade women as part of a "power grab."
These claims are important to Dan Brown's storyline. The historical evidence, however, strongly contradicts Brown's claim. Mary Magdalene is held in special regard by the Catholic Church, in part because she was the first person to witness the resurrection of Jesus Christ.
9. Fiction: "Christianity's weekly holy day was stolen from the pagans."
Da Vinci Code, pages 232-233" "Christianity's weekly holy day was stolen from the pagans. Christianity honored the Jewish Sabbath of Saturday, but Constantine shifted it to coincide with the pagan's veneration day of the sun." Actually, long before Constantine was born, there were Christian writings that made it clear than there was a Sabbath, which corresponds to Saturday, and a "Lord's Day," which corresponds to Sunday.
A shock to the system
Have you ever been Tasered?
Me, neither.
However, this hugh voltage force of restraint has almost become a common phrase in today's society and has sent shock waves even throughout police departments in North America.
Before going any further, it's best to find just what are Tasers.
According to a CBC News Online report, they are hand-held weapons that deliver a jolt of electricity -- up to 50,000 volts -- from up to 6.5 metres away with the shot being able to penetrate up to five centimetres of clothing. It stuns the target by causing an uncontrollable contraction of the muscle tissue. He/she is immobilized and falls to the ground --regardless of pain tolerance or mental focus.
In the same report this is what I learned: TASER stands for Thomas A. Swift Electric Rifle, from the Tom Swift series of children's novels written in the early 20th century, including Tom Swift and his Electric Rifle. The real stars of the series of science-fiction novels were potential advances in technology.
Who makes them?
The CBC report stated Arizona-based Taser International makes virtually all of the "stun guns" being used today. The company claims 5,400 law enforcement department use its immobilizers and more than 500 law enforcement agencies equip all of their patrol officers with Tasers.
In continuing, there are two main types of stun guns made by Taser: M26-- a high-powered weapon marketed to police forces to stop "highly combative individuals" and X26 -- a less-powerful model introduced in 2003. The company is developing a version of this weapon that will be marketed to civilians.
Those are just the facts, folks.
However, there have been some Taser-caused deaths, even here in British Columbia, which we'll outline in future columns.
One of the most significant was the death of Gurmit Sandhu, an autobody shop owner and father of four from Surrey.
According to the news report, Sandhu had been having an argument with his wife and he started hallucinating and yelling about snakes.
Apparently, the police, who were called to the scene, tried to subdue Sandhu by using pepper spray, but were unable to do so and that's when he was shot with Taser. Police, according to the news report, began administering CPR, and he was taken to hospital where he was pronounced dead.
Although only four people have died after police fired Tasers, according to CBC British Columbia, a police commission review found that the devices themselves don't cause the deaths -- but may pose a problem when people are in an excited drug-induced state.
The use of Tasers in certain cases seems justified, but Michelin de Strake of Lillooet, B.C., questions an RCMP constable's so-called "excessive force" in February.
According to de Strake she was holding a "welcome home party" for a friend when five RCMP officers charged through her front door at 3 in the morning. "They had Tasered my dog and he was, like, screaming, so I looked behind me and I asked, "What the hell are you doing to my dog' and he (Const. St. Amand) came up behind me and stepped on my back and Tasered me in the spine," she told the CBC News. Later, an RCMP spokesperson said the Taser went off by accident.
Amnesty International has stated that officers "might be tempted to use weapons like Tasers too often if they believe they're not lethal."
GETTING CLOSER? As a former Middle East Bureau Chief for a major news gathering organization based in Jerusalem, Israel, I have believed, for some time now, that Canada is not immune to terrorist attacks. After Thursday's devastating bombings in London, Canada's Public Safety Minister Anne McLellan admitted that security has been tightened across our nation as it pertains to Via Rail, CN and CP as well as local subway and mass transit systems, although there has been no specific threat issued. Although it's been partially ignored, Canada is on the list of al-Qaeda targets for sending troops to Afghanistan. Other nations on the November 2002 "hit list" include Britain, France, Italy, Germany and Austria. Spain, who sent troops to Iraq, became a target with 191 train commuters killed in Madrid in March 2004.
FROM THE INCOMPETENT CRIMINALS' FILE: When Nathan Radlich's house was burgled on June 4, 1993, thieves left his TV, his VCR, and even his watch. All they took was a "generic white cardboard box" of grayish white powder. A police spokesman said it looked similar to cocaine. "They probably thought they scored big," he mused. The powder was actually the cremated remains of Radlich's sister, Gertrude, who had died three years earlier.
MISTAKEN IDENTITY: "Warren Gillen, 26, was arrested for trying to rob a bank in Glasgow. Police put him in a lineup, but no one identified him. He was booked anyway after calling out from the lineup, "Hey, don't you recognize me?'"
WRONG TURN: "An alleged drunk driver who led police on a wild, midnight chase landed in jail even before his arrest. His car crashed into the jail building. "He didn't have too far to go from there," said Police Capt. Mike Lanam. "It was like a drive-up window."
Me, neither.
However, this hugh voltage force of restraint has almost become a common phrase in today's society and has sent shock waves even throughout police departments in North America.
Before going any further, it's best to find just what are Tasers.
According to a CBC News Online report, they are hand-held weapons that deliver a jolt of electricity -- up to 50,000 volts -- from up to 6.5 metres away with the shot being able to penetrate up to five centimetres of clothing. It stuns the target by causing an uncontrollable contraction of the muscle tissue. He/she is immobilized and falls to the ground --regardless of pain tolerance or mental focus.
In the same report this is what I learned: TASER stands for Thomas A. Swift Electric Rifle, from the Tom Swift series of children's novels written in the early 20th century, including Tom Swift and his Electric Rifle. The real stars of the series of science-fiction novels were potential advances in technology.
Who makes them?
The CBC report stated Arizona-based Taser International makes virtually all of the "stun guns" being used today. The company claims 5,400 law enforcement department use its immobilizers and more than 500 law enforcement agencies equip all of their patrol officers with Tasers.
In continuing, there are two main types of stun guns made by Taser: M26-- a high-powered weapon marketed to police forces to stop "highly combative individuals" and X26 -- a less-powerful model introduced in 2003. The company is developing a version of this weapon that will be marketed to civilians.
Those are just the facts, folks.
However, there have been some Taser-caused deaths, even here in British Columbia, which we'll outline in future columns.
One of the most significant was the death of Gurmit Sandhu, an autobody shop owner and father of four from Surrey.
According to the news report, Sandhu had been having an argument with his wife and he started hallucinating and yelling about snakes.
Apparently, the police, who were called to the scene, tried to subdue Sandhu by using pepper spray, but were unable to do so and that's when he was shot with Taser. Police, according to the news report, began administering CPR, and he was taken to hospital where he was pronounced dead.
Although only four people have died after police fired Tasers, according to CBC British Columbia, a police commission review found that the devices themselves don't cause the deaths -- but may pose a problem when people are in an excited drug-induced state.
The use of Tasers in certain cases seems justified, but Michelin de Strake of Lillooet, B.C., questions an RCMP constable's so-called "excessive force" in February.
According to de Strake she was holding a "welcome home party" for a friend when five RCMP officers charged through her front door at 3 in the morning. "They had Tasered my dog and he was, like, screaming, so I looked behind me and I asked, "What the hell are you doing to my dog' and he (Const. St. Amand) came up behind me and stepped on my back and Tasered me in the spine," she told the CBC News. Later, an RCMP spokesperson said the Taser went off by accident.
Amnesty International has stated that officers "might be tempted to use weapons like Tasers too often if they believe they're not lethal."
GETTING CLOSER? As a former Middle East Bureau Chief for a major news gathering organization based in Jerusalem, Israel, I have believed, for some time now, that Canada is not immune to terrorist attacks. After Thursday's devastating bombings in London, Canada's Public Safety Minister Anne McLellan admitted that security has been tightened across our nation as it pertains to Via Rail, CN and CP as well as local subway and mass transit systems, although there has been no specific threat issued. Although it's been partially ignored, Canada is on the list of al-Qaeda targets for sending troops to Afghanistan. Other nations on the November 2002 "hit list" include Britain, France, Italy, Germany and Austria. Spain, who sent troops to Iraq, became a target with 191 train commuters killed in Madrid in March 2004.
FROM THE INCOMPETENT CRIMINALS' FILE: When Nathan Radlich's house was burgled on June 4, 1993, thieves left his TV, his VCR, and even his watch. All they took was a "generic white cardboard box" of grayish white powder. A police spokesman said it looked similar to cocaine. "They probably thought they scored big," he mused. The powder was actually the cremated remains of Radlich's sister, Gertrude, who had died three years earlier.
MISTAKEN IDENTITY: "Warren Gillen, 26, was arrested for trying to rob a bank in Glasgow. Police put him in a lineup, but no one identified him. He was booked anyway after calling out from the lineup, "Hey, don't you recognize me?'"
WRONG TURN: "An alleged drunk driver who led police on a wild, midnight chase landed in jail even before his arrest. His car crashed into the jail building. "He didn't have too far to go from there," said Police Capt. Mike Lanam. "It was like a drive-up window."
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