Musty booknooks and polls

So what happens, Corbett, when you suffer continuous brain drain?
Scratching what little hair I have left on this noggin, I replied: "I go to The Source."
"The Source" has a name, he's Brian Doling. He's the keeper of magazines and books, mainly old, and when in need of a column idea, which gets to be every day during the summer doldrums, my trusty steed (known as the Subaru) finds its way close to the Polson Park Mall and Doling's shingle, which reads: BJ's Books & Things.
For a scribbler, it's a haven.
Hidden behind the shelves of scattered books and magazines, sits Mr. Doling.
"I'm looking for something about Sayings or Myth Busters or Pet Peeves, something along those lines, do you have anything like that?" I whined.
Without hesitation, Doling guided me into one of the booknook's crevices, and there was a paperback, titled, "A Hog On Ice & Other Curious Expressions" that actually "eyed" me. The subtitle read: The Origin & Development of the Pungent & Colorful Phrases We All Use." The author's name was Charles Earle Funk.
"Is he related to Funk & Wagnalls?" I muttered to myself.
Then turning to the back cover, it read: Charles Earle Funk (1881-1957) was editor-in-chief of the Funk & Wagnalls Standard Dictionary Series. He wrote several other books on word and phrase origins, including Thereby Hangs A Tale.
"I'll take it," I said, shoving a five-spot into Doling's hand.
After speedreading its 214 pages, I found that "A Hog On Ice" is a treasure chest of common sayings in the English language that we use every day, in fact there are literally thousands of them and as the author writes: "They have come from all the trades and professions; they have come from the courts of kings and from beggars' hovels; they have come from churches and cathedrals and they have come from gambling halls and bawdy houses." And Mr. Funk went on and on to explain those "phrase origins."
Without delving into copyright issues and all that, let me briefly tell you about some of the phrases I have heard throughout my lifetime and see if they ring a bell with you:
In a Blue Funk -- The English phrase, "in a funk," was Oxford slang back in the middle of the 18th century, and seems to have been borrowed from a Flemish phrase, "in de fonck siin," which also meant "in a state of panic"; but no one has been able to to figure out why the Flemish fonck meant "panic."
Spick and Span -- The phrase has no other meaning than absolutely and wholly new.
Cock-and-Bull Story -- A story that stretches the imaginations somewhat beyond the limits of credulity.
Without explanations, here are a number of favorite sayings I have heard throughout the years: To cool one's heels; Dyed in the wool; To take the bull by the horns; Small fry; One-horse town; Red-letter Day; To rain cats and dogs; Till all the cows come home; To talk turkey; To eat humble pie; To split hairs; Best bib and tucker; To bark up the wrong tree; Once in a blue moon; Straight from the horse's mouth; To buy a pig in a poke; By the skin of one's teeth; Bats in one's belfry; and To shoot the bull.
Now you probably have heard those phrases and know their meaning, but, Smarty-Pants tell me what these mean: To come out at the little end of the horn; Not amount to Hannah More; Rope of sand; Sword of Damocles; Bull of Bashan or to Cut the Gordian knot?
And what about the book title: 'A Hog on Ice'? It seem Mr. Funk had a mother, who whenever she saw a pompous person strutting down the street, etc., etc., would always say that individual was "as independent as a hog on ice," meaning cockily independent, supremely confident, beholden to no one," according to the paperback's foreword.
NO ONE ASKED ME, BUT: The Ol' Columnist is on the verge of sulking. Why? No one, but no one has ever asked me what I think about The West separating from the rest of Canada. Have you been asked? No. So we both haven't a clue why Faron Ellis, a political science prof at the Lethbridge Community College, can claim 35.6 per cent of westerners agree with the statement: "Western Canadians should begin to explore the idea of forming their own country." When I checked out the Western Standard website (those were the folks that asked Ellis to conduct the poll) the headline screamed: A NATION TORN APART. Maybe so, maybe so. Now, Martin and the Liberals frustrate me as much as the next person in this vast nation, but to separate and go blindly into the future, without a solid game plan, now that would be ridiculous. But then again, nobody asked me for my opinion.
WORD FOR YOU, JAVA JUNKIES: Caffeine doesn't keep you awake by supplying extra energy; rather, it fools your body into thinking it isn't tired, according to a reliable source, 'Uncle John's Bathroom Reader.' Furthermore, when your brain is tired and wants to slow down, it releases a chemical called adenosine. This adenosine travels to special cells called receptors, where it goes to work counteracting the chemicals that stimulate your brain. Caffeine mimics adenosine; so it can "plug up" your receptors and prevent adenosine from getting through. Result your brain never gets the signal to slow down, and keeps building up stimulants. Now, excuse me, the Missus wants to know if I'd like another cup of tea.