Yes, the eyes have it

Before these legs turned to winter, I aspired to be Paul Hornung, with blond hair flying, scoring touchdowns after touchdowns for the Green Bay Packers.
Or Tricky Dick Thornton, he of the steady eye for the Toronto Argonauts.
But the hands were my ultimate failure, or so I thought. Does the moniker of "Stone Hands," remind you of earlier failures, Corbett?.
"Yes," I whimpered.
Then as life began passing me by, sporting wise, there was the sudden realization that it was "eyes" that have it.
Hey, Squinty.
What?
"You're as blind as a bat,"
"Nah, it's the sun in my eyes," I would reply and then proceeded to scrounge enough dollars to buy my first set of contact lenses as thick as a Coke bottle and just as painful to place on my pupils and then removing them at night was akin to being locked up with Marquis de Sade.
Even today, I remember the excruciating trauma of having my eyes swollen shut after having fallen asleep with them intact.
The seasons roar ahead and eye glasses became more refined and laser surgery seemed like an option.
In fact, while working for the Toronto Sun, a good friend of mine, the late Jerry Gladman, wrote a featured story of undergoing laser surgery and the terrific results he obtained.
However, while sitting beside what looked like a Jules Verne time machine in the offices of Ken Ganden (250-542-1244), this long-time optician actually convinced me that very few people -- actually .2% -- have success with contact lenses and , with laser surgery, there are twice the problems.
Enter this Monster Machine with names such as auto refractor and auto phoropter.
It's attached to two computers with loads of software and is worth in the neighborhood of $65,000 . More than a chunk of change, so what is its purpose or purposes?
"It's the Eyelogic system," said Ganden, matter-of-factly.
So?
"Well," said Ganden, "it enhances the ability of the consumer to upgrade his/her eyeglasses with no additional cost other than the prescription."
Ganden then entered the word "alleviate," in other words, "eyelogic" eliminates the optometrist (in the neighorhood of $60,000 per) from the equation for a "refraction."
The computer system for "refraction" which means taking the necessary measurement for corrective eyeglasses came from the fertile mind of Calgary ophthalmologist , Dr. Alan Dyer, in 1996, along with a software expert.
The value of computerized "eyelogic" allows the eye expert to concentrate on medical problems, such as the removal of cataracts, rather than being involved with the time-consuming "refractions" process.
For Ganden and others in his field the software programs run at about $5,000 with an annual $400 licensing agreement for the $65,000 machinery. Incidentally, Ganden knows the value of the system and bought shares in the public offering five years ago at 44 cents. It now trades at about $1. per.
The "eyelogic" system is wide-spread throughout Canada, with at least 3,000 procedures daily. And there are 100 "Eyelogic" systems operating in British Columbia with Ganden entering at almost the entry level, being seventh to acquire the machinery and software.
What's even more surprising, said Ganden, "there has not been one lawsuit." Shocking in these days when legal shysters pop up behind every bramble bush.
The target group are those with "healthy eyes" between the ages of 19 and 65 with no problems other than needing eyeglasses. In 2000, the B.C. government deregulated payment, with the only payment now being from $70 to $100 for having your eyes checked.
Ganden, enthusiastically said that as of April 1, 2005, the Ministry of Health and the College of Opticians of British Columbia has authorized "eyelogic" to be licensed for "ocular pressure" to be used in the diagnosis for glaucoma.
So what if you're as old as Methuselah?
"No charge," said Ganden.
"Whew," I replied. "Set up an appointment with the monster machine."
Oh, incidentally, I never did have blond hair like Paul Hornung. It's always been a mixture of mousy brown and now sad-sack gray.