Now that's a 'Dirty Job'

Oh, give me a home
where the bison (or buffalo) roam
and I'll show you a dirty house!
Excuse my song-writing abilities, which are nil, but my grandson has served his penance as a "gut boy" at a nearby meat slaughterhouse, in slicing and dicing bison. It was a short-lived career. However, someone has to do it.
Such unsavoury jobs, however, are right up Mike Rowe's alley.
If you don't know who Rowe is, then tune in to the Discovery Channel some time and watch 'Dirty Jobs.'
During season one, he's been an exterminator, crab fisherman, blacksmith/farrier, pig farmer, chewing-gum buster, pigeon-poop cleaner-upper, garbage collector/recycling separator, shark catcher/tagger, car stripper, golf-ball diver, horse breeder, roadkill collector, bat-poop collector, mud gatherer, fish gutter, baby chick sexer, beer brewer, oyster harvester, sewer inspector, disaster clean-up crew member, demolition worker, worm-dung farmer, catfish noodler, septic-tank specialist and even worm rancher.
Yes, Mike Rowe is a dirty, dirty boy.
So it's not Masterpiece Theatre, however, 'Dirty Jobs' has become a major-league TV hit. Even The Missus tunes in, but then the Melville Spitfire has been known to ogle 'American Chopper(s)' on a regular basis.
But back to 'Dirty Jobs.'
In tracking down the 'dirt' about this program, I quickly learned how Rowe became involved with the show: He had studied history, English, communications, speech, music, drama and even a bit of philosophy and had even graduated from Towson State in Maryland. From there it was all downhill. After some acting jobs, 'Discovery' sent him to Alaska to work on a king-crab boat during the filming of 'Deadliest Catch' about the world's most dangerous job. From there, he found himself in 'The Sands of the Dead' in Egypt and as he said, "As a reward, I've been given 'Dirty Jobs.'"
Then Rowe proceeded to explain that being a would-be bat biologist ranked near the top of the worst jobs.
In an interview, Rowe said: "Bracken Cave is about an hour outside Austin, Texas, and home to 40 million Mexican free-tail bats. A bat biologist enters the cave once a month to check on the health of the colony. To do so, he must wade through three feet of guano (bat excrement) and make his way to the far end of the cave, where the bulk of the bats roost. The temperature is over 100 degrees. The air is filled with ammonia, and quite toxic. The bats, 40 million of them, are hanging overhead, urinating constantly, defecating deliberately and giving birth randomly. All the aforementioned substances are falling upon us. The guano that we're standing in is filled with billions of flesh-eating beetles, which survive on dead bats that periodically plummet from the ceiling. Bracken Cave is like no other place on Earth, and quite possibly the dirtiest hole on the planet."
So Mike, have you ever been scared doing a "dirty" job?
"I have a healthy fear of most dangerous things, but when you work alongside people who don't, you either suck it up or look like a sissy," he told the interviewer. "A few months ago, I was in Tampa, neck-deep in a muddy, slime-filled, methane-rich water hazard searching for used golf balls. (Yeah, it's a job). Though golf balls were my objective, I was focused mainly on avoiding the water moccasins and snapping turtles that seemed to infest this particular hazard. At some point, I stepped on something in in the murky, muddy ooze that shot out from under my feet with alarming speed. It was an alligator, and I haven't been the same since."
So, now that I have grossed you out and I've taken a shower, let's turn to something fab as in FabJob.com where Tag and Catherine Goulet have a flourishing business in telling folks how to get a real job.
On their site, the two Calgary-based sisters will tell you: How to become a professional organizer; a spa owner; an actor; an advertising copywriter; an archaelogist; an art curator; a book editor; a butler; a firefighter; a food writer (I would be great at that); an image consultant (what's that?); a pop star; a second-hand store owner; a television reporter; a yoga teacher (now that's twisted) and even how to become a movie extra.
But what about how to become a newspaper columnist?
My sage advice: Write about 'Dirty Jobs' and see how far that gets you.
IN PRIME 'REALITY' TIME: So, at present, there are only two Canadian-based reality shows on TV: 'Canadian Idol' and 13 episodes of 'Making the Cut', about young hockey players bashing their way to glory, some of which was filmed in Vernon. However, the Ol' Columnist is certain that a massive amount of 'reality' TV will seep across the border. Under the 'A' category, there's 'Adrenaline X' (NBC); 'All-American Girl' (ABC); 'All You Need is Love' (FOX); 'Amazing Race' (CBS); 'Ambush Makeover' (Syndicated); 'American Candidate' (Showtime); 'American Fighter Pilots' (CBS); 'American High' (PBS); 'American Idol' (FOX); 'Amish in the City' (UPN); 'Anna Nicole Smith Show' (E!); 'Anything for Love' (FOX); 'The Apprentice' (NBC); 'The Apprentice Martha Stewart' (NBC); 'Are You Hot?' (ABC); 'The Ashlee Simpson Show' (MTV); 'The Assistant' (MTV) and 'Average Joe' (NBC) ... And that's just under the A's ... Whew!
FYI: With the late Marilyn Monroe's latest 'revelations' in the news these days, did you know that Mick Jagger studied the way MM moved and learned to mimic her on stage? (A bit of trivia from 'Uncle John's Bathroom Reader')